Od očekivanja do praštanja ili priča o šetanju rođendanskog poklona / From expectation to forgivness or The story of „promenade“ of a birthday gift

Priča počinje s jednim rođendanom, zapravo, puno ranije, jer svatko od nas ima svoje zamisli o tome kako bi svijet trebao izgledati, svoje matrice, obrasce, dojmove i poduke iz života… i očekivanja. No, da počnem ipak s rođendanom; malo je lakše pratiti slijed misli. Bio je, dakle, taj rođendan. Jedna je stanarka zgrade imala rođendan. Druga je stanarka dotičnoj pripremila poklon i, kao što je slavljenica neko vrijeme ranije učinila njoj, ostavila ga je u vrećici na kvaki slavljeničinog stana, misleći da će tako biti primjereno i 'odobreno'. No onda je krenulo. Šetanje tog poklona. Vrećica s poklonom je tri dana visila na vratima, netaknuta. Slijedeća dva dana je bila pored kante za otpad, netaknuta. I narednih četiri dana pojavila se na prozoru slavljeničina stana, dekorirana s još nekim stvarima. Potom je nestala s vidika, kao da je nikad nije niti bilo.   Toliko o šetanju… A sad da vidimo kako se osjećala ona koja je poklon, u najboljoj namjeri 'predala'.   Prvo ju je zgrabila tuga, pa misli 'što mi je ovo trebalo', 'mogla sam biti na miru'... Bilo je tu i prigušenog bijesa i prosuđivanja ponašanja susjede, pokušaja razumijevanja, prihvaćanja… Čuđenje i praćenje te šetnje svaki je dan pomalo izvlačilo nakupljene osjećaje i misli, dok konačno, nije došlo 'otkrivenje', 'svanuće'… Došla je do mogućnosti izbora i suočila se sa dva: ·    Istjerivanje pravde i pokretanje rata. ·    Oprost i zadržavanje mira. Svog mira. Shvatila je da je izbor doista u njenim rukama. I između pravde i mira, izabrala je mir po prvi put u životu. Kao što reče, „Oprost je nešto najosobnije što možemo dati, i ne tražiti zauzvrat ništa, jer i nije namjenjen nekome drugome, oprost dajemo zbog sebe, zbog vlastitog MIRA. Oprost je odluka da je obnavljanje vlastitog mira puno važnije od uništavanja nečijeg tuđeg mira.“

The story begins with one birthday. Actually, it starts much earlier, because each of us has its own concept of how the world should look, its own matrixes, patterns, impressions and lessons from life… and expectations, too. However, let mi start with a birthday; it would be easier to follow the flow of thoughts. So, it was the birthday. One of the tenants in the building had a birthday. The other one prepared a gift and, as the birthday girl had done some time earlier to her, she left it in the bag on the door of the birthday girl’s apartment, thinking it would be appropriate and ‘approved’. But, then started. The “promenade” of that present. The bag with the present stayed on the door for three days, untouched. Next two days it was next to the waste bin, untouched. And in the next four days it appeared at the window of the birthday girl’s apartment, decorated with some other things. Then it disappeared, as it was never been there. So much of “promenade”… And now, let us see what were the feelings of that one who ‘delivered’ the gift, in the best intention. First she was gripped by sadness, than by thougths of ‘what was supposed to me this’, ‘I could be in peace’… There were also a muted anger and judgment of neighbor’s behavior, attempts to understand, to accept… Wondering and following that gift’s walk, every day somehow pulled out accumulated feelings and thoughts, until finally, ‘revelation’, ‘waning’… occurred. She had few choices and faced two main ones: ·    Seeking justice and starting the war. ·    Forgivness and keeping a peace. Her own peace. She realized that the choice was, indeed, in her hands. And, beetwen a justice and a peace, she chose a peace, for the first time in her life. As she said, “Forgivness is the most personal thing we can give, and not to ask anything in return, because it is not intended to anyone else. We give forgivness for our own sake, for our own peace. Forgivness is a decision that the regeneration of one’s own peace is much more important than destruction of someone else’s peace.”