Naravno da sam zaspala,
preslušavajući predavanje... Probudi me frend, vidno raspoložen, nakon što je
ujutro slušao nešto što mu je poslužilo kao okidač da poludi na sve koji su
ga pokušavali korigirati, uključujući i mene, pa me nije mogao nazvati prije,
dok se nije posvađao i pomirio sa mnom, u glavi svojoj...
Pa mi kaže:
Što ja mislim o tebi?
Ukratko, mislim da si rođeni vođa, da si samostalna,
divna osoba, marljiva i pametna.
Pedantna.
Negativne kvalitete: Preosjetljiva, predugo čekaš da
odgovoriš pa onda explodiraš ili na van ili prema unutra.
Ovo mi je toliko razgalilo
dušu da mu odgovorih:
Daj mi, molim te, objasni,
kako me možeš voljeti toliko, sve više, samo nekoliko sati nakon što si
popizdio na mene, i to bez mog udjela, samo projicirajući…?
Ne znam... to ti je paralelni proces... sve se
odvija paralelno u srcu i u glavi... ne znam ti ja to objasniti... kad mi je
srce otvoreno, možeš mi skakati po glavi i ja ću te obožavati... a s druge
strane, kad počneš piliti, srce se potpuno suzi i nestane... puf...
Gledaj draga, s jedne strane si mi OK. I kao sestra
si mi. I volim te tako.
Ali s druge strane, kad popizdim, onda me svaka
sekunda koju provedem bez tebe žari poput polja kopriva.
I ti mi sad reci. Da li te volim ili sam zaljubljeni
ili što?
Ma... ti si blentav!!!
Ovisnik!
Zaljubljen!
Predivan!
Voliš...
i voljen!
(OK, ponekad te uhvati i
strast :D)
Volim te, blentone... pa
čak i kad popizdiš... ne mogu si pomoć! Valjda sam i ja blentava...
:*
Jel ti jasno da, kad te
ćope emocije (ljutnja), onda se (opet) zaljubiš :)))
Skriveno je, da, skriveno. Skrivena je i ljubav, kao i
mržnja. Prikrivena. Lijepim i ružnim riječima, neshvaćenim i krivo shvaćenim
riječima i pokretima, ignoriranjem, neznanjem, uvjetovanjima, ucjenama,
manipulacijama, strahovima, omotima i zamotajima, ogrtačima i prekrivačima,
tabletićima preko očiju i televizorima, bez oka.
Što ti srce govori? Govori mi o ljubavi, čak i kad me
gaziš, čak i kad odlazim, govori mi da se samo ljubavlju u sebi mogu
oduprijeti i pomaknuti se.
|
I fell asleep, of course, listening to the lecture… My friend woke me
up, in the mood – this morning he was listening something which was a trigger
to made him mad on every one who tried to correct him. Of course, I was also
included, so he could not call me earlier – first he had to fight, and reconcile
with me. In his head, naturally…
So he is telling me:
What do I think about you?
Shortly, I think you are
native lider, you are independent, wonderful person, diligent and smart.
Pedantic.
Negative quality: oversensitive,
you wait too long to answer to others, than you explode – either on outside
or inside.
This inflamed my soul so much that I answered to him:
Please, explain me, how can you love me so much, more and more, only few
hours after you were angry with me, even without me, only by your own
projection…?
I don’t know… that is a
parallel process… everything is going on parallel, in the heart and in the
head, also… I can not explain it to you… When my heart is open, you can jump
on my head and I will adore you… On the other hand, when you start to bother,
my heart will completely narrows down and disappear… puf…
Look, my dear one, on the
one hand you are OK. And you are like a sister to me. And I love you as it
is.
On the other hand, when I am
pissed, than every second which I spend without you is burning like I am in
the nettle field.
So tell me. Do I love you or
I am in love or what?
Well… you are crazy!!!
An addict!
In love!
Wonderful!
You love…
and you are loved!
(OK, sometimes you are rulled by the passion :D)
I love you, crazy one… and even if you are pissed… I cannot help
myself! I suppose I am crazy too…
:*
Can you see - when you are in emotion (angry), than you fall (again)
in love :)))
It is hidden, yes, it is hidden. The love is hidden, the hate is hidden
too. Concealed. By lovely and ugly words, by misunderstood and wrongly understood
words and movements, by ignorance, by conditioning, by blackmails, by
manipulations, by fears, by coverings and wrappings, by overcoats and blankets,
by tablecloths over the eyes and on the televisons, without an eye.
What your heart is teling you? It tells me about love, even you are
stepping on me, even if I am leaving. It tells me that only with the love in
me I can resist and move.
|
animus / anima
moji razgovori s... / my talks with...
06. 08. 2019.
Paralelni procesi ili tanka je granica između... ljubavi i mržnje/ Paralell processes or the thin line between... love and hate
17. 12. 2018.
Od očekivanja do praštanja ili priča o šetanju rođendanskog poklona / From expectation to forgivness or The story of „promenade“ of a birthday gift
Priča počinje s
jednim rođendanom, zapravo, puno ranije, jer svatko od nas ima svoje zamisli
o tome kako bi svijet trebao izgledati, svoje matrice, obrasce, dojmove i poduke
iz života… i očekivanja.
No, da počnem ipak s
rođendanom; malo je lakše pratiti slijed misli.
Bio je, dakle, taj
rođendan. Jedna je stanarka zgrade imala rođendan. Druga je stanarka dotičnoj
pripremila poklon i, kao što je slavljenica neko vrijeme ranije učinila njoj,
ostavila ga je u vrećici na kvaki slavljeničinog stana, misleći da će tako
biti primjereno i 'odobreno'.
No onda je krenulo.
Šetanje tog poklona.
Vrećica s poklonom
je tri dana visila na vratima, netaknuta. Slijedeća dva dana je bila pored
kante za otpad, netaknuta. I narednih četiri dana pojavila se na prozoru slavljeničina
stana, dekorirana s još nekim stvarima. Potom je nestala s vidika, kao da je
nikad nije niti bilo.
Toliko o šetanju… A
sad da vidimo kako se osjećala ona koja je poklon, u najboljoj namjeri
'predala'.
Prvo ju je zgrabila
tuga, pa misli 'što mi je ovo trebalo', 'mogla sam biti na miru'... Bilo je
tu i prigušenog bijesa i prosuđivanja ponašanja susjede, pokušaja razumijevanja,
prihvaćanja… Čuđenje i praćenje te šetnje svaki je dan pomalo izvlačilo
nakupljene osjećaje i misli, dok konačno, nije došlo 'otkrivenje', 'svanuće'…
Došla je do mogućnosti
izbora i suočila se sa dva:
·
Istjerivanje
pravde i pokretanje rata.
·
Oprost
i zadržavanje mira. Svog mira.
Shvatila je da je izbor
doista u njenim rukama.
I između pravde i
mira, izabrala je mir po prvi put u životu.
Kao što reče, „Oprost
je nešto najosobnije što možemo dati, i ne tražiti zauzvrat ništa, jer i nije
namjenjen nekome drugome, oprost dajemo zbog sebe, zbog vlastitog MIRA. Oprost
je odluka da je obnavljanje vlastitog mira puno važnije od uništavanja
nečijeg tuđeg mira.“
|
The story begins with one birthday. Actually, it
starts much earlier, because each of us has its own concept of how the world
should look, its own matrixes, patterns, impressions and lessons from life…
and expectations, too.
However, let mi start with a birthday; it would be
easier to follow the flow of thoughts.
So, it was the birthday. One of the tenants in the building
had a birthday. The other one prepared a gift and, as the birthday girl had done
some time earlier to her, she left it in the bag on the door of the birthday
girl’s apartment, thinking it would be appropriate and ‘approved’.
But, then started. The “promenade” of that present.
The bag with the present stayed on the door for
three days, untouched. Next two days it was next to the waste bin, untouched.
And in the next four days it appeared at the window of the birthday girl’s apartment,
decorated with some other things. Then it disappeared, as it was never been
there.
So much of “promenade”… And now, let us see what were
the feelings of that one who ‘delivered’ the gift, in the best intention.
First she was gripped by sadness, than by thougths of
‘what was supposed to me this’, ‘I could be in peace’… There were also a muted
anger and judgment of neighbor’s behavior, attempts to understand, to accept…
Wondering and following that gift’s walk, every day somehow pulled out accumulated
feelings and thoughts, until finally, ‘revelation’, ‘waning’… occurred.
She had few choices and faced two main ones:
· Seeking justice
and starting the war.
· Forgivness
and keeping a peace. Her own peace.
She realized that the choice was, indeed, in her
hands.
And, beetwen a justice and a peace, she chose a
peace, for the first time in her life.
As she said, “Forgivness is the most personal thing
we can give, and not to ask anything in return, because it is not intended to
anyone else. We give forgivness for our own sake, for our own peace. Forgivness
is a decision that the regeneration of one’s own peace is much more important
than destruction of someone else’s peace.”
|
08. 11. 2018.
Možda te volim :) / Maybe I love you :)
Iz usputnog
razgovora, ponekad svašta izađe… Evo što mi reče moj najdraži (ne)prijatelj
;)
Ne, ne voliš me!
Ti voliš
zamišljenu sliku mene.
Ali ja nisam to.
Ja sam nešto drugo.
I što je, zapravo,
ljubav?
Da li je to
misliti na tebe, razmišljati o tebi, sjetiti te se
osjetiti kako mi se srce topi
željeti biti s tobom
očarati te
biti pod tvojom čarolijom
spavati s tobom
ne spavati s tobom
pokazivati ti se
praviti se važan pred tobom
Što?
Što je ljubav,
zapravo?
I može li biti
ljubavi
među nama?
Kada ćemo uvijek biti razdvojeni?
Najviši oblik Ljubavi je, prema Krišnijevcima,
kada su ljubavnici razdvojeni… pa… ;)
|
During chit chat… sometimes things come out… Here is
what my dearest (not)friend told me ;)
No, you don't!
You, like
an imaginary picture
of me.
But I am not that.
I am something else.
And what is love, actually?
Is it
thinking on you,
about you, remembering you
feeling my hear melt
wishing to be with
you
to have you under my
spell
to be under your
spell
to sleep with you
not to sleep with
you
showing myself to
you
showing off to you
What?
What is love, actually?
And can there be love
between us?
When we will always
be separated?
The highest
form of Love according to Vaishnavas is when lovers are separated... so... ;)
|
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