Paralelni procesi ili tanka je granica između... ljubavi i mržnje/ Paralell processes or the thin line between... love and hate

Naravno da sam zaspala, preslušavajući predavanje... Probudi me frend, vidno raspoložen, nakon što je ujutro slušao nešto što mu je poslužilo kao okidač da poludi na sve koji su ga pokušavali korigirati, uključujući i mene, pa me nije mogao nazvati prije, dok se nije posvađao i pomirio sa mnom, u glavi svojoj... Pa mi kaže: Što ja mislim o tebi? Ukratko, mislim da si rođeni vođa, da si samostalna, divna osoba, marljiva i pametna. Pedantna. Negativne kvalitete: Preosjetljiva, predugo čekaš da odgovoriš pa onda explodiraš ili na van ili prema unutra. Ovo mi je toliko razgalilo dušu da mu odgovorih: Daj mi, molim te, objasni, kako me možeš voljeti toliko, sve više, samo nekoliko sati nakon što si popizdio na mene, i to bez mog udjela, samo projicirajući…? Ne znam... to ti je paralelni proces... sve se odvija paralelno u srcu i u glavi... ne znam ti ja to objasniti... kad mi je srce otvoreno, možeš mi skakati po glavi i ja ću te obožavati... a s druge strane, kad počneš piliti, srce se potpuno suzi i nestane... puf... Gledaj draga, s jedne strane si mi OK. I kao sestra si mi. I volim te tako. Ali s druge strane, kad popizdim, onda me svaka sekunda koju provedem bez tebe žari poput polja kopriva. I ti mi sad reci. Da li te volim ili sam zaljubljeni ili što? Ma... ti si blentav!!! Ovisnik! Zaljubljen! Predivan! Voliš... i voljen! (OK, ponekad te uhvati i strast :D) Volim te, blentone... pa čak i kad popizdiš... ne mogu si pomoć! Valjda sam i ja blentava... :* Jel ti jasno da, kad te ćope emocije (ljutnja), onda se (opet) zaljubiš :))) Skriveno je, da, skriveno. Skrivena je i ljubav, kao i mržnja. Prikrivena. Lijepim i ružnim riječima, neshvaćenim i krivo shvaćenim riječima i pokretima, ignoriranjem, neznanjem, uvjetovanjima, ucjenama, manipulacijama, strahovima, omotima i zamotajima, ogrtačima i prekrivačima, tabletićima preko očiju i televizorima, bez oka. Što ti srce govori? Govori mi o ljubavi, čak i kad me gaziš, čak i kad odlazim, govori mi da se samo ljubavlju u sebi mogu oduprijeti i pomaknuti se.

I fell asleep, of course, listening to the lecture… My friend woke me up, in the mood – this morning he was listening something which was a trigger to made him mad on every one who tried to correct him. Of course, I was also included, so he could not call me earlier – first he had to fight, and reconcile with me. In his head, naturally… So he is telling me: What do I think about you? Shortly, I think you are native lider, you are independent, wonderful person, diligent and smart. Pedantic. Negative quality: oversensitive, you wait too long to answer to others, than you explode – either on outside or inside. This inflamed my soul so much that I answered to him: Please, explain me, how can you love me so much, more and more, only few hours after you were angry with me, even without me, only by your own projection…? I don’t know… that is a parallel process… everything is going on parallel, in the heart and in the head, also… I can not explain it to you… When my heart is open, you can jump on my head and I will adore you… On the other hand, when you start to bother, my heart will completely narrows down and disappear… puf… Look, my dear one, on the one hand you are OK. And you are like a sister to me. And I love you as it is. On the other hand, when I am pissed, than every second which I spend without you is burning like I am in the nettle field. So tell me. Do I love you or I am in love or what? Well… you are crazy!!! An addict! In love! Wonderful! You love… and you are loved! (OK, sometimes you are rulled by the passion :D) I love you, crazy one… and even if you are pissed… I cannot help myself! I suppose I am crazy too… :* Can you see - when you are in emotion (angry), than you fall (again) in love :))) It is hidden, yes, it is hidden. The love is hidden, the hate is hidden too. Concealed. By lovely and ugly words, by misunderstood and wrongly understood words and movements, by ignorance, by conditioning, by blackmails, by manipulations, by fears, by coverings and wrappings, by overcoats and blankets, by tablecloths over the eyes and on the televisons, without an eye. What your heart is teling you? It tells me about love, even you are stepping on me, even if I am leaving. It tells me that only with the love in me I can resist and move.