Možda te volim :) / Maybe I love you :)

Iz usputnog razgovora, ponekad svašta izađe… Evo što mi reče moj najdraži (ne)prijatelj ;) Ne, ne voliš me! Ti voliš zamišljenu sliku mene. Ali ja nisam to. Ja sam nešto drugo. I što je, zapravo, ljubav? Da li je to misliti na tebe, razmišljati o tebi, sjetiti te se osjetiti kako mi se srce topi željeti biti s tobom očarati te biti pod tvojom čarolijom spavati s tobom ne spavati s tobom pokazivati ti se praviti se važan pred tobom Što? Što je ljubav, zapravo? I može li biti ljubavi među nama? Kada ćemo uvijek biti razdvojeni? Najviši oblik Ljubavi je, prema Krišnijevcima, kada su ljubavnici razdvojeni… pa… ;)

During chit chat… sometimes things come out… Here is what my dearest (not)friend told me ;) No, you don't! You, like an imaginary picture of me. But I am not that. I am something else. And what is love, actually? Is it thinking on you, about you, remembering you feeling my hear melt wishing to be with you to have you under my spell to be under your spell to sleep with you not to sleep with you showing myself to you showing off to you What? What is love, actually? And can there be love between us? When we will always be separated? The highest form of Love according to Vaishnavas is when lovers are separated... so... ;)

Ljestvica / Standards

Često sam puta čula da mi pamet smeta ili da mi je ljestvica previsoko. Pokušala sam se „korigirati“, ali nije išlo. Ja sam bivala sve nesretnija, a ni oni oko mene nisu bili dovoljno dugo sretni. Plakala sam, dolazeći do zida koji nisam mogla prijeći, zaobići, probiti. Molila sam se nad provalijama očaja. Jednostavno se previše skupilo... I pitala sam se... Nikako da uzmem dovoljno zaleta... da se odmaknem od svega lošeg. Možda ni ne trebam? Ali, kako da prestanem plakati... Možda ni ne trebam? I pomislila sam – kako se prolaze puno gore stvari? Ili je moja ljestvica doista previsoko??? Ne može biti... stalno je spuštam i sve lošije se osjećam – nije to ono što treba činiti... Treba izdržati...

So many times I have heard ‘your mind is annoying you’ or ‘your standards are too high’. I tried to do some ‘corrections’, but it did not work. I would become more and more unhappy and those around me would not be happy long enough. I was crying; hitting the wall I could not cross/pass/break trough. I prayed during the despair. Simply, it was to much… And I wondered… I could not get enough space… to run away from everything what was bad. Maybe I do not need to? But, how to stop crying… Maybe I do not need to? And I thought – how people are going through much much worse things? Or my scale was really risen to high??? It could not be so… I am veering it all the time and I feel even worse afterwards– this is not that what should be done… I should endure…