Ljestvica / Standards

Često sam puta čula da mi pamet smeta ili da mi je ljestvica previsoko. Pokušala sam se „korigirati“, ali nije išlo. Ja sam bivala sve nesretnija, a ni oni oko mene nisu bili dovoljno dugo sretni. Plakala sam, dolazeći do zida koji nisam mogla prijeći, zaobići, probiti. Molila sam se nad provalijama očaja. Jednostavno se previše skupilo... I pitala sam se... Nikako da uzmem dovoljno zaleta... da se odmaknem od svega lošeg. Možda ni ne trebam? Ali, kako da prestanem plakati... Možda ni ne trebam? I pomislila sam – kako se prolaze puno gore stvari? Ili je moja ljestvica doista previsoko??? Ne može biti... stalno je spuštam i sve lošije se osjećam – nije to ono što treba činiti... Treba izdržati...

So many times I have heard ‘your mind is annoying you’ or ‘your standards are too high’. I tried to do some ‘corrections’, but it did not work. I would become more and more unhappy and those around me would not be happy long enough. I was crying; hitting the wall I could not cross/pass/break trough. I prayed during the despair. Simply, it was to much… And I wondered… I could not get enough space… to run away from everything what was bad. Maybe I do not need to? But, how to stop crying… Maybe I do not need to? And I thought – how people are going through much much worse things? Or my scale was really risen to high??? It could not be so… I am veering it all the time and I feel even worse afterwards– this is not that what should be done… I should endure…