Nagoni / Instincts

Ima ljudi koje osjećam kao agresore na sebe i zapitah se zašto... izazivam li to sama ili... To su ljudi koje sam prihvatila kao prijatelje, ali ponekad... kad se prijeđu neke moje granice, čak i kad to dopustim, možda dolaze do dijelova mene koje ne odobravaju, i tada se sve mijenja... Sve mi to liči na odnose u čoporu i odnos prema Vođi krda… U tim nekim trenucima na vidjelo izlazi poriv za natjecanjem i određena neravnopravnost. Ne postoji  jednakost, uvijek mora biti određena neravnoteža. Kao da je naučeno pokoravanje autoritetu, ali čim se osjeti slabost na drugoj strani, koristi se trenutak i skače na prednju poziciju. To je normalno za niže razine i osjećam to ponekad i kod sebe. A sve me to podsjetilo na priču o mišu koji je, zahvaljujući blagoslovu, postao tigar, ali je ostao miš u dubini svoga bića… Trebamo naučiti kako postati istinski Kralj... ovladavši svojim nižim razinama

There are some people that I feel aggressive, and, naturally, I ask why… is this my fault or… Those are people I have accepted as friends, but sometimes… when they cross my borders, even with my permission … maybe they are seeing some parts of mine they can not approve, and then – everything changes… All of that is like crowd relation and relation towards the lieder of the crowd. In these moments one can see competition impetus and some kind of inequality. There is no equivalence; it has to be some bias, always. As if it is learned to surrender to the authority, but as soon as one feels weakness on the other side, one uses it and jump to the front position. It is normal for lower levels of being, and, sometimes, I can feel it, too, inside of me. And all of that remind me of the story about mouse who, through the blessing, became tiger, but was still the same mouse in the heart… We have to learn how to be real King... with conquering our lower levels

Bol / Pain

I dok ponovno pokušavam postaviti priču s tobom, shvaćam kako me u konačnom rezu spriječava osjećaj boli koji osjećam da će uslijediti. Ući u bol, prijeći je (možda) i naći se u posve nepoznatom području... Stara priča o ostajanju u poznatom zlu, nego u mijenjanju za nepoznato (potencijalno) dobro... Što da radim s tim? Da li je rješenje oguglati na bol ili što? Proći kroz nju? Kako zaustaviti nekoga kada želiš promijeniti smjer kretanja, a da ga ne povrijediš? Ne, ne mislim na ego... mora biti komadić Srca, Duše u svemu tome... Kako uopće dolazi do nečije želje za promjenom... a da druga strana to ne primijeti... Da li je moguće ne primijetiti? Ili smo samo zatvorili oči (uši, ruke...) i zaspali u prividnoj sreći... I, kako te itko može povrijediti ako nisi imao očekivanja? A gdje su očekivanja, tamo je ego... a ne Duša – Ona je sretna, bez obzira na vanjsko... sretna jer nije podložna promjeni... Ona je uvijek ista i potpuna... I dolazim do stvarne boli... Boli za Dušom... I pronalazim tu bol u traganju za tobom, dok ne dolazim do Boli za Tobom, koja postajem Ja...

And… while I want to restart our story, I realize that I am blocked in ‘final cut’ with an expectation of pain I feel will come. To enter into the pain, undergo it (maybe) and then find yourself in completely unknown area… The old story about better living with known evil, than changing it for unknown (potentially) good… What to do with this? Is there a solution in accepting the pain or what? Undergo? How to stop someone when you want to change a direction, and not to hurt him/her? No, I don’t think of ego… it has to be a piece of the Heart, of the Soul in all of that… How the desire for happiness comes at all … and how it comes that other side does not notice it… Is it possible not to notice it? Or we just closed our eyes (ears, hands…) and fall asleep in an apparent happiness… And, how could anyone hurt you if you did not have some expectations? And where expectations are, there ego is also… and not the Soul – It is happy, does no matter on external… it is happy because it is not the subject to the change… It is always the same and complete… And now I am coming to the real pain… Pain for the Soul… And I find that pain while searching for you, untill I reach that Pain for You, which becomes Me…

Krivnja / Guilt

OK... oboje ponekad to poželimo, ali nećemo to učiniti da ne bismo pokvarili naš odnos… A zašto misliš da je loše prijeći na 'ono'? Voliš nekoga, slijedi i fizika i sve super i odjednom – krivnja… otkud to? A oboje imamo taj poriv… Možda, možda... možda je to tako jer smo tako naučili... jer se tako nešto očekuje… ... ali ne mora biti tako… ... ponekad dolazi do krivih prespajanja u mozgu.... ... i do nesporazuma s drugima ili samim sobom… ... ja opet želim biti malo bliže... ... i ja bih tebe rado mazio i pazio… ... ali znam da je ovako bolje… ne bismo bili ovako otvoreni i lakše bismo se posvađali da smo bliže, a možda bismo napravili i neku glupost… ... kao, na primjer? ... živjeli 'normalnim' životom???

OK… both of us sometimes would like that, but we will not do it lest spoiling our relationship… And, why do you think it is bad to do ‘it’? You love someone, the next step is physical relation and everything is great and suddenly – guilt… from where it comes? And both of us have that impetus… Maybe, maybe… maybe we have learned it so… because something like that is expected… … but it has not to be like that… … sometimes there are false brain junctions… … and missunderstandings with each other or the self… … again I want to be little closer… … me too, I would like to dandle and keep you… … but I know, it is better like that… we would not be so open and we would spat easier if we were closer; and maybe we would make some stupidity… … such is what? … to live ‘normal’ life???