Što je tu čudno? / What is strange in that?

Bože, što mi vodimo čudne razgovore...... 2 dana kasnije Aaaaa, shvatio sam! Zato se ti tako često ljutiš… jer čuješ samo 1/3 do 1/5 razgovora… a haaaaa… Još 2 dana kasnije Hmmm, možda bih ipak trebao sve izreći? Ili, barem malkice više? Još 2 dana kasnije Ma, nee. Ti sigurno čitaš moje misli.

Oh, God, what a strange conversations we are having...... 2 days later Aaaaa, I’ve got it! That’s why you are angry so often… because you hear only 1/3 - 1/5 of conversation… a haaaaa… 2 days later more Hmmm, maybe I could say everything? Or, little bit more than usual? 2 days later more But, nooo. You are surely reading my thoughts…

Asertivna? / Assertive?

Znaš, gazda me jučer pohvalio… Naglasio je kako je baš zadovoljan kako vodim SVOJ odjel… Hm, ne čini li ti se to malo čudnim i nije li ti, možda, ponudio da oko njega napraviš opkop s močvarom? Ha, ha… ha? Da li bi imao nešto protiv da dođem raditi kod tebe? Svaka me promjena smeta. To nema veze s tim tko bi došao, ali mene zanima da li bih ti ja osobno smetala. Ti si jaka ličnost. ??? Možeš li mi pojasniti tu izjavu, jer ja to doživljavam kao nešto pozitivno, ali ne bih rekla da si ti baš tako mislio. Nisam, u pravu si. To mi znači da si napadač koji ne odustaje od svojih ideja. Možeš li analizirati taj osjećaj, izjavu i promotriti zašto me tako doživljavaš? Naime, kada te pitam što si mislio prije tri dana, ne pitam te to zato da te napadnem, već zato da sebi pojasnim doživljavanja i osjećaje, kako bih izbjegla brije i projekcije, prvenstveno svoje, a ne tvoje… A ovo je ozbiljan problem… Meni je problem jer tražiš od mene da se sjetim svega što pričam i mislim i naporno mi je stalno biti svjestan onoga što govorim… Pa, ne bi li uvijek trebali težiti budnosti? Odjednom postadoh svjesna svoje iluzije da smo na sličnim valnim duljinama…

You know, the boss praised me yesterday… he emphasized how satisfied he is about leading MY department… Hm, it is little bit strange and, maybe, he is offered you to make a swampy canal around it, isn’t he? Ha, ha… ha? Would you have something against my coming to work with you? Every change is bothering me. That has nothing with anybody’s coming, but I would like to know if I will bother you. You are a very strong personality. ??? Can you explain me that statement? I find it very positive, but I would not say that you thought so. No, I didn’t; you are right. That means you are attacker who is not giving up his ideas. Could you analyze that feeling, statement and look over why you experience me like this? When I asked you what you thought three days ago, I asked not to attack you, but to explain my experiences and feelings, to avoid my projections, mine, not yours… And this is serious problem…   For me the problem is to remember everything what I am saying and thinking and it is an effort to be always consciousness everything… Well, shouldn’t we always strive for being alert, should we?    Suddenly I become aware of my illusion that we are on the similar wave lengths…

Pesimist i optimist / Pessimist and optimist

Knjige koje čitaš jako su depresivne… To uvelike ovisi kako se ti sam osjećaš i na što usmjeravaš svoju pažnju – meni je ova prva vrlo podržavajuća knjiga, pa ne može spadati u depresivne, a ova druga, ako je doživiš kao objašnjenje za neke obrasce i okidače, također pomaže da se naučiš nositi s tim… Može vic? Otac spremio božićne poklone dvojci sinova. Pesimistu je kupio električni vlakić, a optimistu pripremio – konjski izmet. Kad je pesimist otvorio poklon, odmah je počeo kukati: - Jao, vlakić je električni, neće raditi kad nema struje. - Ali radi on i na baterije - kaže otac. - Što kad se baterije potroše, a ja sam se baš zaigrao? - Kupit ćemo rezervne baterije - kaže otac. - A i tračnice će se iskriviti...i tako dalje i tako dalje... - Što si ti dobio? - pitali sina optimistu. - Ja sam dobio ponija, ali je negdje otišao...

Books which you are ridding are so depressive… That depends, largely on your feelings and on what are you concentrating your attention. For me, the first book is very positive, supporting one, so it is not depressive. The other one, if you experience it as explanation for some patterns and triggers, helps the learning with how to carry on with … What about a joke? Father prepared Christmas presents for two sons. He bought for pessimist electric train, and for optimist – horse shit. When pessimist opened his present, immediately he started to lamenting: - Woe, the train is electrical; it will not work when electricity is gone. - But it works on batteries, also – father says. - And when batteries will gone, and I am full in my playing? - We will buy spare batteries – father says. - And rails will distort… and so on… and so on… - What did you get? – they asked optimistic son. - I got a pony, but it has gone somewhere…

Preljub… / Adultery…

Reci mi… imam dojam da nisam pošten prema tebi... skrivam se… ne znam da li bih pričao s tobom pod drugim okolnostima… možda bi ti željela ipak biti s nekim, u nekom, hm, normalnom odnosu… a ja te zadržavam… Kako to misliš? Da li mi nedostaje svjetovni život? Da li mi nedostaju igre mačke i miša, glumljenje da ne znamo što nam je glavni cilj kad nam prorade hormoni…? Misliš, da li mi nedostaje kino, birtija, seks…? Pa, da… rekla si da bi se željela… bogato… udati… Misliš da ne bih mogla, da to doista želim? Pa, da, u pravu si… mogla bi… onda, ipak? Čitam neki dan o preljubničkom odnosu… pazi sad… u takvom odnosu, ako se radi o trokutu, osoba „bez obaveza“ se postepeno udaljava od svojih prijatelja, zanimacija, jer iščekuje javljanje osobe „s obavezom“ kako bi se mogla prilagoditi… „obaveza“ obično sluti da postoji i treća strana u vezi, a onaj koji vodi dvostruki život postepeno postaje nervozan skrivajući se lažima… i nekako me to podsjetilo... Jest da nije baš klasično… Da li bi mogao biti sa mnom ovako da si u braku? Ne bih… osjećao bih se kao da varam ženu… Da… iako, neobično… nekako sam si zamišljala da kad sam s nekim u braku, odnosno i fizički intimna, da to ne bi isključivalo i ovu vrstu intimnosti koju dijelim s tobom… tako da osoba s kojom bih bila i fizički zajedno ne bi imala na što biti ljubomorna ili čime biti prevarena… Ali, nedavno smo pričali da ne postoji muško-žensko prijateljstvo… uvijek je nešto prikriveno… Da, vjerojatno je to… Onda, ne želim da se oženiš… ;D I, nemoj me povrijediti… lažima…

Tell me… I have an impression I am not fair with you… I am hiding… I am not sure if I would talk with you on other circumstances… maybe you would like to be with someone else, in some, mh, normal relationship… and I am stopping you… What do you mean? Am I missing worldly life? Am I missing fm plays, acting what is not the main goal when hormones are getting mad…? You think, am I missing cinema, coffee shop, sex…? Well, yes… you said you would like to getting married… richly… You think I couldn’t if I only wanted? Well, yes, you are right… you could… well, than? I am reading some days ago about adulterous relationship… watch it… In such a relationship, if it is about triangle, the person “without an obligation” is removing gradually from hers/his friends, interests… it is because she/he is expecting calling from person “with an obligation” in the sense of adjusting… “the obligation” usually forebodes there is the third side in the relationship, and that one who is leading twofold life gradually becomes nervous, hiding it with lies… and somehow it reminded me… Well, it is not classical… Could you be with me like this if you were married? No, I could not… I would feel if I were cheating my wife… Yes… but, strange… I was imagine if I am married, I mean intimate in physical way, that will be include this kind of intimacy which I share with you, too… so, that person should not be jealous or cheated… But, not so far ago, we spoke there is no friendship between man and woman… there is always something hidden…   Yes, probably is that… Than, I would not you to get married… ;D And, do not hurt me… with lies…

Općenje…?? / Communication…??

Negda… Reci mi, do kraja… ali naglas!!! Obična si manipulatorica i misliš da si najpametnija i jedina u pravu. I to me uvijek razljuti! Možeš mi to malo pojasniti? Ovo samo žena može pitati!! Mrmlj… Evo ti, kad već inzistiraš: 1.  Stalno uopćavaš kad god želiš izbjeći odgovor - "Pa svi to rade!", "Svi su takvi!" 2.  Izbjegavanje odgovora protupitanjem. Ima milion varijanti i primjera. - Ovo obožavaš koristiti! 3.  Ne mogu se više sjetiti – kasno je… Ovo što si rekao je potpuno iskrivljavanje mojih misli, osjećaja i riječi, te vađenje iz konteksta. Žao mi je zbog toga i umorna sam od toga. Joj, sad bih te nalupao po guzici! Stalno se vrtimo oko istih stvari, bez ikakva razumijevanja. Tipično ženski! Vrtimo se oko toga da mi ti dokažeš da si u pravu i sve dok mi to ne dokažeš, vrtjet ćemo se u krugu… dok me ne uvjeriš da krivo razmišljam.   Zašto ja još uopće komuniciram s tobom? Zato što ne želim projicirati sve…  (10min kasnije) ...i još imam hrpu pitanja za tebe, ali kakvog smisla sve to ima? Smisao svega toga je da ti ja pokušavam objasniti kako se ja osjećam kad prođe horda žena pored mene… O čemu ti??? … a ti počneš vući vodu na svoj mlin… Za razliku od tebe, koji želiš vući vodu na SVOJ mlin… Ne trebam ja vući vodu na svoj mlin, ona je već tamo… Pusti me da završim… ako mi netko namigne na pravi način, postajem podložan i ako mi naši razgovori mogu pomoći da to ne budem, bit ću jako sretna osoba. I meni bi bilo jako drago da ti razgovor sa mnom pomogne. Nemam ništa protiv toga i možemo i dalje razgovarati o tome, ali budi svjestan da sam ja jako osjetljiva i također podložna nekim vibrama pa se uplašim da ne ode u krivom smjeru. Nastavit će se… (da, sve dok mi ne objasniš kako trebam razmišljati… ;D)

Once upon a time… Please, finish the sentence… but, verbally!!! You are just manipulating and think that you are the cleverest and the only one who is right. And that makes me angry every time! Can you explain me this? This only woman can ask! Grmbh… Here you are, if you insist: 1.  Every time when you want to avoid the answer you generalize –“Well, everyone does this!”, “Everybody is like that!” 2.  Avoiding answer with counter question. There are zillion of variations and examples. – You adore using this! 3.  I can not remember anything else – it is to late… That what you said is absolutely distortion of my thoughts, feelings and words, and removing it out of context. I am sorry because of that and tired, also. I would like to thrash your bottom now! We are always going around the same things, without any understanding. So typical, female! We are turning around because you would like to prove you are right and we will turn around until you prove it to me… till you convince me that I am thinking wrong. Why I communicate with you, after all? It is because I do not want to make my projection… (10min later) …and I have plenty of questions for you, but what is the sense? The sense of all this is that I am trying to explain you what I feel when crowd of woman passing by…   What the hell??? … and you start pouring water on your mill… Contrary to you, who wants pouring water on YOUR mill… I do not need this; the water is already there… Let mi finish… If someone only nod on the right way, I come under the influence of that person and if our conversations can help me not to be susceptible, I will be very happy. I would be very glad if our conversation helps you, too. I am not against it, and we can talk about it further, but be aware that I am very sensitive and also liable to some vibrations, so I become frightened that will go in wrong direction. To be continued… (yes, till you explain me how I have to think… ;D)