Šutnja je zlato? / Silence is golden?

Kad ne znamo kako ne povrijediti druge našim riječima, onda zašutimo. Problem je što kad-tad te neizrečene riječi/stvari dođu na vidjelo… Možda je onda bolje poštovati druge pravovremenim izricanjem? Možda… Možda netko nikako ne može podnijeti izricanje… Rekao si mi, jednom, da je najbolje izravno ići… izravno… sa zdravim razumom… Ali, ako ne idemo izravno, treba li zašutjeti? Jer, možda me se i ne tiče? Osim ako nije ugrožen nečiji život. Sve ostalo je ogovaranje…

When we do not know how not to harm others with our words, then we should keep quiet. Problem is that eventually this unsaid words/things will come out...Isn't it better then to show our respect to others by saying things on time? Maybe... but some people cannot ever endure these words... Once you have told me:"The best is to be direct!" With an open mind... But if we are not talking direct, should we keep mum? Maybe, because it does not concern me? Except if somebody's life does not depend on it. Everything else is just gossiping.

Rješavanje zadatka / Solving the problem

Pitao si me kako se to rješava? Moraš imati sustav, moraš gledati i jednu jedinicu, ali i cjelinu, odnosno međudonos među jedinicama i moraš se povremeno odvojiti od sustava i primijeniti nešto drugo, promijeniti stajalište… Vrlo jednostavno, zar ne? :)

You have asked me how to solve this problem? You need a system. You have to watch one unit as well as the entire problem, respectively relation between units and you have to disengage yourself, sometimes, from the system and to apply something else, to change your view… It is so simple, isn’t it? :)

Poštivanje granica ili prihvaćanje osobe? / Respecting the borders or accepting the person?

Znaš, sjetih se neki dan razgovora s prijateljem – nikako nismo mogli uspostaviti normalnu komunikaciju i tek sam danas shvatila da smo pričali o različitim stvarima... Kad poistovjetimo 'poštovanje granica' s 'prihvaćanjem osobe'... On je silno želio da ga prihvatim, sa svim njegovim dijelovima, a nije shvatio da su meni povrijeđene granice i da sam u fazi postavljanja novih. Opet taj 'ego trip' gdje mislimo da se sve vrti oko nas... Osjetih i problem „napadanja“ – opet se radi o prihvaćanju... Ako si npr uvjeren da je šutnja zlato, ne voliš kad netko puno priča ili ako se netko zna postaviti (izreći svoje mišljenje, stav), osjećaš se nadjačan iako nije cilj uvjeriti druge u nešto, već samo izreći. Opet je sve to stvar ogromnog ega i projekcija…    I zašto neke možemo poslušati, a neke ne… iako pričaju o istim stvarima. Zašto nam netko leži, a netko ne… Ne, nije uvijek stvar u načinu - ponekad je stvar u sličnostima, osjećaju bliskosti ili, opet o projekciji, prema usađenom autoritetu... I zašto netko izbjegava nekoga, netko pokušava prilagoditi druge sebi, a rijetkost je da se pokušavamo prilagoditi osobi, do koje nam je stalo… Doista, prihvaćanje drugih jest gubitak projekcija, objektivnost, što ne znači da ne treba zadržati određene granice.

You know, few days ago I had remembered a conversation with a friend – we could not talk normally and just today I realize that we spoke about different things… When we identify ‘respecting the borders’ with ‘accepting the person’… He wanted so much from me to accept him, as a whole, but could not understand that my borders were broken and that I am in setting up new ones. Again that ‘ego trip’ when we think that whole world is revolving around us. I felt also the problem of ‘atacking’ – again here we are working with accepting… If you are, for example, assured that ‘silence is gold’, you do not like if someone speaks a lot, or if someone can force himself (to tell his opinion, state); you feel that you are victimized, although the aim is not to convince others, but only to tell them your side of the story. That is, again, the matter of the huge ego and projections… And why we can listen to some people, and others not… although they speak about the same things? Why we like someone and others not… No, it is not always the point in the way of speaking – sometimes is the point in likeness, feeling of closeness or it is projection, again, towards some authority pattern… And why someone avoids somebody else; why someone tries to adjust others to him/her, and it is so rare that we adjust ourselves to the person we like… Really, the acceptance of others is loss of projections; it is objectivity… and it does not mean we do not have keep particular borders.

Granice / Borders

Svatko od nas postavlja određene granice prema vanjskom svijetu i to je prirodno. Te granice postavljamo na osnovu prošlih iskustava, odgoja i tko zna čega sve ne iz prošlosti. Svatko od nas ima pravo na svoje granice, kakve god da one bile. Stvar je kućnog odgoja koliko će drugi poštovati naše granice. I to pokazuje koliko nas drugi poštuju, razumijevajući da i sami imaju svoje granice, bez obzira koliko različite ili čudne one bile u odnosu na one drugih bića. Ovdje čak možemo uvesti u priču i potrebu da se poštuju tuđa (i svoja) ograničenja. Ponekad ne postavimo dovoljno jasne granice, što nas može izbaciti iz ravnoteže, ali ništa se loše neće dogoditi ukoliko i ta (ne uvijek ugodna) iskustva doživimo kao dragocjenu školu. A jedna od najvažnijih stvari jest upravo prepoznavanje potrebe da se granice postave i da one budu istinski zdrave. Osvještavanje i pomicanje/širenje svojih unutarnjih granica nije nužno uvjetovano pomicanjem vanjskih granica...

Every one of us puts up certain borders towards the outer world, and that is natural. These borders we put up are based on former expiriencies, education and many another things in our past. Every one of us has right on our own borders, whatever they are. It is the matter of educationat home, if others will respect them. And that in turn shows us if they also respect us, by understanding that they also have themselves borders, no matter how much they are different or strange regarding to the all others. Here we can also mention the necessity of respecting others (and ours) limits. Sometimes our borders are not clearly set up, which can take us out of the balance. But, nothing bad will happned if we can see those (not allways pleasant) expirineces as prescious school. And one of the most important things is to recognize the need of the borders, the healthy ones. Awakening and moving/widening our inner borders is not necessarily conditioned with moving outer borders…

Nagoni / Instincts

Ima ljudi koje osjećam kao agresore na sebe i zapitah se zašto... izazivam li to sama ili... To su ljudi koje sam prihvatila kao prijatelje, ali ponekad... kad se prijeđu neke moje granice, čak i kad to dopustim, možda dolaze do dijelova mene koje ne odobravaju, i tada se sve mijenja... Sve mi to liči na odnose u čoporu i odnos prema Vođi krda… U tim nekim trenucima na vidjelo izlazi poriv za natjecanjem i određena neravnopravnost. Ne postoji  jednakost, uvijek mora biti određena neravnoteža. Kao da je naučeno pokoravanje autoritetu, ali čim se osjeti slabost na drugoj strani, koristi se trenutak i skače na prednju poziciju. To je normalno za niže razine i osjećam to ponekad i kod sebe. A sve me to podsjetilo na priču o mišu koji je, zahvaljujući blagoslovu, postao tigar, ali je ostao miš u dubini svoga bića… Trebamo naučiti kako postati istinski Kralj... ovladavši svojim nižim razinama

There are some people that I feel aggressive, and, naturally, I ask why… is this my fault or… Those are people I have accepted as friends, but sometimes… when they cross my borders, even with my permission … maybe they are seeing some parts of mine they can not approve, and then – everything changes… All of that is like crowd relation and relation towards the lieder of the crowd. In these moments one can see competition impetus and some kind of inequality. There is no equivalence; it has to be some bias, always. As if it is learned to surrender to the authority, but as soon as one feels weakness on the other side, one uses it and jump to the front position. It is normal for lower levels of being, and, sometimes, I can feel it, too, inside of me. And all of that remind me of the story about mouse who, through the blessing, became tiger, but was still the same mouse in the heart… We have to learn how to be real King... with conquering our lower levels

Bol / Pain

I dok ponovno pokušavam postaviti priču s tobom, shvaćam kako me u konačnom rezu spriječava osjećaj boli koji osjećam da će uslijediti. Ući u bol, prijeći je (možda) i naći se u posve nepoznatom području... Stara priča o ostajanju u poznatom zlu, nego u mijenjanju za nepoznato (potencijalno) dobro... Što da radim s tim? Da li je rješenje oguglati na bol ili što? Proći kroz nju? Kako zaustaviti nekoga kada želiš promijeniti smjer kretanja, a da ga ne povrijediš? Ne, ne mislim na ego... mora biti komadić Srca, Duše u svemu tome... Kako uopće dolazi do nečije želje za promjenom... a da druga strana to ne primijeti... Da li je moguće ne primijetiti? Ili smo samo zatvorili oči (uši, ruke...) i zaspali u prividnoj sreći... I, kako te itko može povrijediti ako nisi imao očekivanja? A gdje su očekivanja, tamo je ego... a ne Duša – Ona je sretna, bez obzira na vanjsko... sretna jer nije podložna promjeni... Ona je uvijek ista i potpuna... I dolazim do stvarne boli... Boli za Dušom... I pronalazim tu bol u traganju za tobom, dok ne dolazim do Boli za Tobom, koja postajem Ja...

And… while I want to restart our story, I realize that I am blocked in ‘final cut’ with an expectation of pain I feel will come. To enter into the pain, undergo it (maybe) and then find yourself in completely unknown area… The old story about better living with known evil, than changing it for unknown (potentially) good… What to do with this? Is there a solution in accepting the pain or what? Undergo? How to stop someone when you want to change a direction, and not to hurt him/her? No, I don’t think of ego… it has to be a piece of the Heart, of the Soul in all of that… How the desire for happiness comes at all … and how it comes that other side does not notice it… Is it possible not to notice it? Or we just closed our eyes (ears, hands…) and fall asleep in an apparent happiness… And, how could anyone hurt you if you did not have some expectations? And where expectations are, there ego is also… and not the Soul – It is happy, does no matter on external… it is happy because it is not the subject to the change… It is always the same and complete… And now I am coming to the real pain… Pain for the Soul… And I find that pain while searching for you, untill I reach that Pain for You, which becomes Me…

Krivnja / Guilt

OK... oboje ponekad to poželimo, ali nećemo to učiniti da ne bismo pokvarili naš odnos… A zašto misliš da je loše prijeći na 'ono'? Voliš nekoga, slijedi i fizika i sve super i odjednom – krivnja… otkud to? A oboje imamo taj poriv… Možda, možda... možda je to tako jer smo tako naučili... jer se tako nešto očekuje… ... ali ne mora biti tako… ... ponekad dolazi do krivih prespajanja u mozgu.... ... i do nesporazuma s drugima ili samim sobom… ... ja opet želim biti malo bliže... ... i ja bih tebe rado mazio i pazio… ... ali znam da je ovako bolje… ne bismo bili ovako otvoreni i lakše bismo se posvađali da smo bliže, a možda bismo napravili i neku glupost… ... kao, na primjer? ... živjeli 'normalnim' životom???

OK… both of us sometimes would like that, but we will not do it lest spoiling our relationship… And, why do you think it is bad to do ‘it’? You love someone, the next step is physical relation and everything is great and suddenly – guilt… from where it comes? And both of us have that impetus… Maybe, maybe… maybe we have learned it so… because something like that is expected… … but it has not to be like that… … sometimes there are false brain junctions… … and missunderstandings with each other or the self… … again I want to be little closer… … me too, I would like to dandle and keep you… … but I know, it is better like that… we would not be so open and we would spat easier if we were closer; and maybe we would make some stupidity… … such is what? … to live ‘normal’ life???

Pričali smo??? / We were talking???

Opet si to učinila!!!! Kaj?? Taman sam te počeo gledati kao sestru i opet si me vratila na 'ono'.... Ja???? Da, TI!!! Kak??? OK... ima dio koji ti ne znaš... Haaaa? Pa sinoć... pokušavao sam ti poslati poruke, al nisu prolazile... onda sam... pričali smo... ???? Ma znaš... u mojoj glavi... pa sam opet htio... OK... Želiš li ti da ja dođem „po tebe“... da odlučim umjesto tebe?? Ja UVIJEK želim da drugi odluče umjesto mene... Bla bla... (skretanje teme) (15min kasnije) DA! Ha??? Znala sam! Eto vidiš zašto želim analizirati…

Again you did it!!!! What?? I have just started to see you as my sister and you put me back on ‘that’… Me???? Yes, YOU!!! How??? OK… there is a part you don’t know… What? Well, last night… I have trying to send you some messages, but they didn’t pass… then I was… we were talking… ???? Well, you know… in my head… than I wanted… OK… Do you want that I come “to pick up you”… to decide instead of you?? I ALLWAYS want others to decide instead of me… Blah blah… (topic diversion) (15 min later) YES! What??? I knew it! That is why I want to analyse…

Umor / Fatigue

Zato što sam ti ja pokušao reći samo jednu paralelu, kužiš, i ti si sad, zadnjih pet minuta počela… zašto sam ja, kada, koga, kako, mislim ono… Pa, naravno… A rekla si još da si umorna, mislim… To mi je ono najgore… ja sam taman se razveselio kako si umorna i ono… mozak ne funkcionira više… i ono, vraga! Možeš si mislit', čovječe! Vidiš ti da mi najbolje pričamo kad sam ja umorna :D ... a ja odmoran, hmm. Zanimljivo. Zašto ja moram bit odmoran, a ti umorna, ajd' mi to reci još?? Ne znam… da pokušamo bar malo razgovarati… zato što... kad sam ja odmorna, ja previše pričam. A kad si ti odmoran, onda bar donekle hoćeš nešto reći… bar si malo bolje volje :D Zato što vama muškima, k'o svakoj djeci (:D), treba sna dovoljno i kad ste umorni, to nije dobro, jer ste pekmezasti… kad si odmoran, onda si malo više raspoložen za priču. JEDINI je problem što ja piknem gdje ne treba. Odnosno, gdje treba, al' onda ti nećeš… :D

Because I have tried to tell you just one parallel, you see, and you started now, last five minutes… why did I, when, whom, how, OMG… Well, of course… And you have told that you are tired, I mean… I was so happy that you are tired and so… your brain will not functioning anymore… and so, hell! Could you imagine, man! Can you see that we speak in the best way when I am tired :D ... and when I am rested, hmm. Interested. Why I have to be rested and you tired, tell me, please?? I don’t know… to try speaking a little bit… because… when I am rested I speak too much. And when you are rested, you want to say at least something… at least you have little bit good will :D Because all man, just like all children (:D), need enough sleeping and when you are tired that is not good - you are so irritable... when you are rested than you have more good will for talk. The ONLY problem is that I sting where I should not to sting. I mean, where I should sting, but you don’t want to… :D

Podržavanje / Supporting

Znači, kada ja kažem nešto, to se u većini slučajeva NE nadovezuje na ono što sam rekao prije toga, pogotovo ako je prošlo dugo vremena. I, još nešto, kad se pohvalim da sam nešto dobro učinio ili uspio, tvoje prvo pitanje ne bi trebalo biti „Kako se to dogodilo?“ nego „O, bravo! Što si napravio?“. U čemu je razlika? U jednom slučaju iza uspješnog muškarca stoji iznenađena žena, a u drugom je podržavajuća žena. Ja želim da se moja SESTRA ponaša kao ona druga – podržavajuća. Stvar je u tonalitetu! OK OK :*

So, when I say something, in the most of the cases, it is NOT connected with something I have said before, especially if it was long time ago. And, one more thing… when I praise myself that I have done something good or successful, your first question wouldn’t be “What happend?” but “Oh, bravo! What have you done?” What is the difference? In one case behind successful man there is surprised woman; in the second there is supporting woman. I want that my SISTER is like the second one – supporting one. The thing is in the mode! OK OK :*