Poštivanje granica ili prihvaćanje osobe? / Respecting the borders or accepting the person?

Znaš, sjetih se neki dan razgovora s prijateljem – nikako nismo mogli uspostaviti normalnu komunikaciju i tek sam danas shvatila da smo pričali o različitim stvarima... Kad poistovjetimo 'poštovanje granica' s 'prihvaćanjem osobe'... On je silno želio da ga prihvatim, sa svim njegovim dijelovima, a nije shvatio da su meni povrijeđene granice i da sam u fazi postavljanja novih. Opet taj 'ego trip' gdje mislimo da se sve vrti oko nas... Osjetih i problem „napadanja“ – opet se radi o prihvaćanju... Ako si npr uvjeren da je šutnja zlato, ne voliš kad netko puno priča ili ako se netko zna postaviti (izreći svoje mišljenje, stav), osjećaš se nadjačan iako nije cilj uvjeriti druge u nešto, već samo izreći. Opet je sve to stvar ogromnog ega i projekcija…    I zašto neke možemo poslušati, a neke ne… iako pričaju o istim stvarima. Zašto nam netko leži, a netko ne… Ne, nije uvijek stvar u načinu - ponekad je stvar u sličnostima, osjećaju bliskosti ili, opet o projekciji, prema usađenom autoritetu... I zašto netko izbjegava nekoga, netko pokušava prilagoditi druge sebi, a rijetkost je da se pokušavamo prilagoditi osobi, do koje nam je stalo… Doista, prihvaćanje drugih jest gubitak projekcija, objektivnost, što ne znači da ne treba zadržati određene granice.

You know, few days ago I had remembered a conversation with a friend – we could not talk normally and just today I realize that we spoke about different things… When we identify ‘respecting the borders’ with ‘accepting the person’… He wanted so much from me to accept him, as a whole, but could not understand that my borders were broken and that I am in setting up new ones. Again that ‘ego trip’ when we think that whole world is revolving around us. I felt also the problem of ‘atacking’ – again here we are working with accepting… If you are, for example, assured that ‘silence is gold’, you do not like if someone speaks a lot, or if someone can force himself (to tell his opinion, state); you feel that you are victimized, although the aim is not to convince others, but only to tell them your side of the story. That is, again, the matter of the huge ego and projections… And why we can listen to some people, and others not… although they speak about the same things? Why we like someone and others not… No, it is not always the point in the way of speaking – sometimes is the point in likeness, feeling of closeness or it is projection, again, towards some authority pattern… And why someone avoids somebody else; why someone tries to adjust others to him/her, and it is so rare that we adjust ourselves to the person we like… Really, the acceptance of others is loss of projections; it is objectivity… and it does not mean we do not have keep particular borders.