Tvoj problem! / It's your problem!

Hoćeš da ti kažem zašto sam snimao? Ajde… Sigurno? Nećeš se ljutiti? Hoću. Hoćeš? Onda ti neću reći. Reci mi! Zašto da ti kažem kad ćeš se ljutiti i ovako i onako… Reci mi! Zato što si počela pričati tako dobro da sam se ja bojao da neću zapamtiti ni trećinu onoga što mi kažeš i da mogu poslušati ponovno što si rekla… Da, i onda ćeš za dva dana reći da su gluposti... da si MALO razmislio o tome i da su to gluposti… To je isto uvijek moguće, to je moguće, ali to nije moj problem… To nije tvoj problem? Ne, to je tvoj problem zato što ti misliš da ću ja misliti o tome što si ti pričala da su gluposti. Ne, ne, ne… Aha. Ajde, ajde, jesi ovo zapisao, snimio? Pa, još uvijek se snima… Hoćeš da prekinem? Ja ti mogu prekinuti… Ne, ne, ne… Počeli smo gluposti valjati. Ne, ne… Kad me za dva dana nazoveš i kažeš da si razmislio i da to nema veze s tim… Aha, da poslušamo ovo.. da si ti rekla… joj, komplicirano… e znaš što? Što mi možemo kenjati! Pa to je strašno! Barem ja… Kaj misliš? Da? Koliko bi nam dana trebalo da se pokefamo? Dana? Ha ha Dana? Halo? Hoćemo u minutama ili u satima? Pa izaberi što ti više paše… Ja se kladim na minute. Da? Jesi to snimio?

Do you want to know why I was recording? Yes… Are you sure? You will not be angry? I will. You will? Than I will not tell you. Tell me! Why would I tell you if you will go angry… Tell me! You started to speak so good and I was afraid I will not remember even one third of all of this; this way I can listen again what you spoke about… Yes, and in two days you will say this was nonsense… that you thought about LITTLE BIT and this was nonsense… That is always possible, that is possible, but this is not my problem… That is not your problem? No, this is your problem because you are thinking that I will think you spoke nonsense. No,no no… Yes. Come on, come on…did you write down this, record this? Well, this is still recording… Do you want stop recording? I can stop recording… No, no, no… We started speaking nonsense. No, no… When you will call me in two days and say me you have thought about and that is not connected with… A, we can listen to this… that you have told… oh, to complicated… you know what? We can really talk nonsense! This is so terrible! At least me… What do you think? Yes? How many days we need to get into a fight? Days? Ha ha Days? Hello? Would we speak in minutes or in hours? Well, you can choose… I bet on minutes. Yes? Did you record this?

Nisam ja! / I didn't!

Koje je olakšanje bilo kada sam shvatio da nisam ja, zapravo, taj koji ima te osjećaje, nego ona… Koje? Pa to. Strast i tako… Osjećaje da, ovaj… … ti hoćeš spavat… … s njom spavat? Da, da… Jer, kad sam se maknuo iz njene blizine, to je nestalo. Kad sam se vratio, to je nastalo… Rekoh, koji je ovo vrag? Mislim ona se… koji ti je ono… halo? Ajde još jednom, cijelu rečenicu… Znači, kad odeš od nje, prestane ti se željeti spavati s njom. Kad se vratiš, ponovi ti se to. Gledaš i vidiš da imaš određeni energetski disbalans… Hoćeš reći… da tvoja želja prema nekom ne ovisi o tome da li si nekom u blizini ili nisi? Kako si došla do tog zaključka, Bog te mazo? Ne, ne kužim… ono što si ti rekao je da si shvatio da želja... da li ti ili netko drugi hoće spavati… samo malo… ajdemo uzeti primjer… Ona i ti… Aha. Postojala je određena energija… Da. I nisi znao da li ti želiš spavati s njom ili ona želi spavat s tobom? Da, recimo. Shvatio si da ona želi spavati s tobom, a ne ti s njom tako što si primijetio da kad nisi u njenoj blizini, to ne želiš, a kad si u njenoj blizini to želiš. Da… (tišina)… ali mislim da nema veze… da ona nema veze… da ona to… sa mnom… da je tada to njena energija bila… Dobro, OK, shvatila… E,sad, moje pitanje… Hoćeš reći, kad to prebacimo na općenito, ako si ti s nekom osobom u blizini i osjetiš tu energiju, a ta energija… Aha, to može biti dvije… znači..to može značiti, da te prekinem sada… pošto znam gdje ideš… znači, to može značiti dva slučaja… bar mislim da znam gdje ideš… a, prvi slučaj je da samo taj tip osobe budi tu energiju u meni. OK? Znači, ta energija nije vezana sa mnom nego znači - kad dođem u blizinu te osobe, onda ta energija me zapravo povuče ili je to nešto što je u meni, nedorađeno, odnosno, ja reagiram samo na takve osobe. Znači, te osobe mi pokazuju da to što se događa… mi, zapravo, da… zapravo… još nisam, zapravo, sredio problem do kraja… ako se to može… ako se to zove problem… Ništa mi nije jasno. Da, ni meni, ali nema veze; sad je već ponoć. Neke rupe su mi prisutne… A nisu… čini ti se… stvarno? Da… ali puno smo danas već pričali tako da… Ovo je jedna, ovako, vrlo zanimljiva tema koju ćeš ti dosta lično shvatiti, tako da… mislim i je, lična je… Što znači lično ću shvatiti? Personalno. Molim? Personalno. Što to znači? Osobno? Da, al što to ZNAČI? Da ću lično shvatiti… Pa neću ti crtati! U odnosu prema tebi ili u odnosu općenito? A, u odnosu, naravno, prema meni… halo? Kao na primjer, da ću te sad pitati… Što? Ako ću lično shvatiti, što to znači, što to povlači za sobom? To povlači za sobom jedan razgovor drugi put… ne ovaj put… Ha ha Jer je VRLO sklizak teren. A ti si… Kaj? Jer je vrlo skliski teren i ti ćeš početi postavljati potpitanja na koja neću baš znati odgovor, tako da… Vrlo skliski teren? Mislim, stani, stani… stani malo! Gledaj, ti ćeš sada… sad ćeš na svoj mlin tjerati vodu… što god ja pokušam napraviti, ti ćeš sad pokušati natjerati… Na koji mlin … ha ha Pa ti imaš svoj određeni mlin na koji stalno tjeraš vodu... Tako da ne bih htio upropastiti ovaj razgovor bilo s čim drugim… E, jesi zločest! Baš nam je dobro krenulo… Da, i želim da tako i ostane… jer… fala bogu da je tako, jer imam osjećaj da me baš, ono, razumiješ… baš guba… već sam odustao da je uopće moguće da me ti razumiješ… Ja sam mislila da si… Ajde, ajde, reci do kraja… Neću! Ha ha ha… Prase jedno bezobrazno! Ko? Pa ja i ti. Kaj, oboje smo prasci? Ma jesmo… stvarno se razumijemo, mislim… jooj, dobro…

What a relief was when I realized that it wasn’t me, but she, who had those feelings… What feelings? Those. Passion and so… Feelings that, I mean… … you want to make love… … to make love with her? Yes, yes… Because, when I have moved away from her, that feeling disappeared. When I came back, it appeared again… I told to myself, what the hell is that? I mean, she was… what is this… hello? Once more please, whole sentence… So, when you go away from her, you stop wanting to be with her. When you come back, the desire is also back. You are looking and realizing that you have specific energetic disbalance… You want to tell me… that your desire towards somebody depends if you are near somebody or not? What this conclusion came from, for God’s sake? No, I don’t understand… you have just said that you have understood appearance of a desire… if you or someone else wants to have… just a minute… let’s take an example… She and you… Yes. There was specific energy… Yes. And you didn’t know if you want to sleep with her or she wants to sleep with you? Yes, suppose. You realized that she wants to sleep with you (and you didn’t want sleep with her) when you noticed that, if you are not near her, you don’t want this. And when you are near her you want her. Yes… (silence)… but, I think that is not connected with… that she is not connected… that she… with me… that than her energy was… Good, OK, I understood… But, now, my question is… You mean, when we put this in generally, if you are near somebody and you are feeling that energy, and that energy… Aha, there can be two of… it means… it could mean, let me stop you now… because I know where you are going… so, it could mean two cases… well, I think I know where you are going… and, first case is that only that type of person awakes that energy in me. OK? So, that energy is not connected with me, but it means – when I come near that person, that energy pulls me or that is something in me, unfinished, or rather, I am reacting on such kind of persons. So, those persons are showing me what is hidden… in me, in fact, that… in fact… still I am not, in fact, settled the problem… if that can… if that we can call the problem… I do not understand a thing! Yes, neither to me, but it doesn’t matter; it’s midnight already. There are some gaps in your… Nooo… it seems so… really? Yes… but we have talked so much today already, so… This is one, so to say, very interesting subject which is too emotional for you, so… well, I think, it is emotional… What does it mean ‘which is too emotional for you’? Personal. What? Personal. What does it mean? Individual? Yes, but what does it MEAN? That is too emotional for me… Well, I will not draw it to you! In connection with you or in generally? Well, of course, in connection with me… hello? If, for example, I will ask… What? If I will understand it subjective, what does it mean; what does it pull with? That pulls with one talk some other time… not this time… Ha ha For it is VERY slippery subject. And you are… What? For it is very slippery subject and you will start asking questions which I will not know what to answer, so… Very slippery subject? I mean, stop, stop… stop for a moment! Look, now you will… now you will start pouring water on your mill… anything I try to do, you will start pouring… What mill… ha ha Well you have specific mill you always pouring the water on… So I wouldn’t like to ruin this conversation with something… Eh, you are naughty! We were going so good… Yes, and I want it remains like this… for… thank God it is like that, for I have feeing you understand me, I mean… so cool… I gave up already it will be possible that you understand me… I thought that you are… Come on, come on, tell me… No! Ha ha ha… You piggy! Who? Well, both of us. What? Both of us are pigs? Well, we are… really we understand each other… ooooh, good…

Čips / Chips

Pa, to ti znači 'Ne da mi se mijenjat. Lijen sam.' Da, da, da,… to mi ide na živce! To mi stalno gazda govori… da sam lijen… uopće mi nije jasno o čemu on to priča… A znaš da ni meni nije bilo jasno… ha ha ha… Mi smo ti blentavi… Znam za tebe, ali za sebe ja znam da nisam. Da, ti si, da... hmm. Ha ha ha... ti si jedno jako drago dijete… Ma, znam, ja sam duša od čovjeka. Ha ha ha OK, da se vratimo… Lijenost. Lijeni smo za promjene. Nije stvar u tome da li si lijen za odraditi nešto fizički, nego si lijen kad se treba mijenjat. To ne znači da to svjesno radiš. Nego jednostavno, moraš se suočit s nekim stvarima koje treba promijeniti i onda, ono, toga ima puno… I onda idemo dalje od toga, pa idemo, na primjer, jest čips radije… Zbog lijenosti da se ne moram mijenjat, ja idem jest čips??? Pa recimo, to je, ono, najbanalniji primjer. Nije samo jedenje čipsa, nego i 'idem raditi nešto što je manje zahtjevno…' Mislim, čips ti je isto bijeg, sori, ali jest.

Well, it means ‘I don’t want to change myself. I am lazy.’ Yes, yes, yes… it goes to my nerves! My boss is telling me that all the time… that I am lazy… I don’t know what he is talking about… Well, I didn’t know either… ha ha ha… We are so stupid… I know you are, but I know I am not. Yes, you are… hmm. Ha ha ha… you are one, very sweet child… Yes, I know, I am kind as kind can be. Ha ha ha OK, let’s go back… Laziness. We are lazy to change. It is not the point if you are lazy to work something physically; you are lazy when you have to change yourself. It doesn’t mean you are doing this consciously. Simply, you have to confront with some things to change them. And than, there are many of them… And, let’s go far from that, and than, we start, for example, eating the chips rather… Laziness for changing is the reason I am eating the chips??? Well, suppose. That is the most banal example. This not only eating the chips; it is also ‘I am going to do something less demanding…’ I mean, that eating chips is also escape. Sorry, but it is.

Tuga / Sorrow

Nema prave tuge… nema takve osjetljivosti, negativne… kad ti je srce otvoreno, doista, onda si sretan kad nekog vidiš, lijepo vam je i kad taj netko odlazi, ti prihvaćaš to isto tako, s ljubavlju. Nema razočarenja.   Jesi sigurna u to? Jesam. Dokle god postoji neka negativna emocija, koja te tjera na zatvaranje, to je projekcija. To nije istinska emocija srca. Ti možeš na trenutak osjetiti tugu zato što je netko otišao, ali čim ulaziš u tu tugu, to je vezanje i to je, najvjerojatnije, povezano s nekom projekcijom, s nečim što si prije doživio, što te natjeralo da tako reagiraš. Zato ti je problem prihvatiti što je odlazak nekoga koga si volio, u stvari, slavlje.   Daj, kak može bit slavlje? Mislim… halo? Evo, sad ću ti objasnit. Znači, ne možeš prihvatiti da je netko otišao, jer tebi je bilo super s njim. Ti si ga zavolio, bio ti je super i sad, odjednom, ti moraš slavit zato kaj je on otišao. Da, pa nema logike. Zato… ima logike. Nema logike zato što gledaš iz sebičnih razloga – ti ne možeš više s njim biti fizički… Ali, ako prestaneš gledati sebično, ako gledaš iz srca koje je istinsko, onog pravog srca, onda si sretan zato što je on otišao negdje gdje mu je bolje. Pa kako ja mogu znat da je on otišao negdje gdje mu je bolje? A onda ne vjeruješ u to! Pa, naravno da ne vjerujem! Pa onda nije ni čudo kaj ne možeš slaviti, kad ne vjeruješ. Ti si vezan za fizički razvoj događaja… Primijetila si, ha? Da. Pa neće te boljet kad ti se srce otvori… Eh, uglavnom, dok god si vezan za to fizičko, tebe će boljeti otvaranje srca, zato što te otvaranje srca tjera na neki drugi način poimanja stvari. A tebi se baš hoće bit vezan! Malo pojasni to… Pa, to ti znači 'ne da mi se mijenjat. Lijen sam.' …

There is no real sorrow… there is no such sensitiveness, negative… when your heart is really open, than you are happy whenever you see somebody; it is nice when you are together, and, when that person is leaving, you are accepting this with love. There is no disappointment. Are you sure? Yes. If there is some negative emotion, which is pushing you to close yourself, this is a projection. This is not the real emotion of the heart. You can feel in one moment the sorrow because somebody has gone, but if you are going into that sorrow, that is an attachment. And this is, probably, connected with some projection, with something what you experienced before, which pushed you to react like that. That is why you have problem accepting that when somebody whom you love is going, while you should actually be celebrating. Come on! How can this be a celebration? I mean… hello? Here, let me explain it. You can not accept that somebody is gone, because you had very good time together. You loved him, he was great and now, suddenly, you have to celebrate that he has gone. Yes, there is no logic. That is because… there is logic. There is no logic if you are thinking about selfish reasons – you can not be with him physically… But, if you stop with selfishness, if you are looking at that from the point of your heart, true heart, than you are happy because he has gone where is better for him. How can I know that he has gone where is better? Well, than you don’t believe in this! Of course, I don’t! Than there is no wonder that you can not celebrate, if you don’t believe. You are attached for physically actions… You’ve noticed, ha? Yes. Well, it will not hurt, when your heart opens… Eh, well, until you are attached with this physical existence, opening of your heart will hurt, because the opening of the heart is pushing you into some other way of looking on the things. And you just want to be attached! Explain me that… Well, it means ‘I don’t want to change myself. I am lazy.’ …