Odgađanje / Postponing

Odgađanje korištenja vlastitih potencijala… ... zbog... ... straha od vlastite svjetlosti... ... i straha od neuspjeha. Strah od krajnosti – i uspjeha i neuspjeha – prividna ravnoteža. Ponekad nije problem odugovlačenje početka koliko nedovršavanje. Jer je puno toga ostalo neiskorišteno ili se negdje izgubilo…

Postponing of use of your own potentials… … because… …of the fear from your own light… … and of the fear from the failure. The fear of extremes – of success and failure – imaginary balance. Sometimes the problem is not postponing but not finishing what we started. For… many things were wasted or lost somewhere…

Sjeti se / Remember

Znaš ono, kad krenemo prebirati po sjećanjima i zapetljamo se u ona loša... I onda zaboravimo čemu, zapravo sjećanja služe...	You know… when we start digging up old memories and then get stuck with the bad ones… And then, we forget what the purpose of the memories actually was…
Historia vero testis temporum, lux veritatis, vita memoriae, magistra vitae, nuntia vetustatis, qua voce alia nisi oratoris immortalitati commendatur?
A povijest, svjedokinja stoljeća, svjetlost istine, život sjećanja, učiteljica života, glasnica starine, kojim drugim glasom može osigurati besmrtnost negoli govorničkim? Ciceron, O govorniku, II, 36.	By what other voice, too, than that of the orator, is history, the witness of time, the light of truth, the life of memory, the directress of life, the herald of antiquity, committed to immortality? Cicero, De Oratore, II, 36.
Usus magister egregius.
Iskustvo je najbolji učitelj.	Experience is the best teacher.
Repetitio est mater studiorum.
Ponavljanje je majka učenja.	Repetition is the mother of study.
Errando discimus.
Griješeći učimo.	By making mistakes we learn.
Cessante causa cessat effectus.
Prestankom uzroka, prestaje i posljedica.	The cause ceasing, the effect must cease.
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero!
Iskoristi dan, ne vjeruj sljedećem. Horacije, Carmina (Ode) 1,11,8.	Seize the day, trusting tomorrow as little as possible. Horace, Carmina (Odes) 1,11,8.
Tako sam i sama doživljavala putovanja... sve dok nisam došla 'produhovljenima' koji su se postavljali kao da su uhvatili Boga za bradu... Ispostavilo se da su to bili samo ljudi koji nisu znali nositi se sa svojom prošlošću. Izvlačili su sjećanja, ali bi se zapetljavali u njih, bez stvarnih probavljanja i otpuštanja. Možda je to izvlačenje i potrebno, ali s osvještavanjem i pročišćavanjem, s ciljem da se nauči potrebno i odbaci nepotrebno. Bez zamornih prežvakavanja i vrtnje u krugovima. Svejedno, u nekom trenutku zaboravljajući intuiciju i prirođeno znanje, ne vjerujući sebi, već drugima, odbacih svoju mudrost i prolazih dulji put. Vodič mi je pomogao da se vratim. Gdje je greška? I u kome je? Nema greške – svatko je odigrao svoju ulogu u mom životu i u napredovanju na slijedeću razinu. Zahvalna sam, pa makar mi zbog toga putovanje trajalo dulje. Ostavimo prošlost iza sebe – kao vrijedno iskustvo, poduku, kao lijepo sjećanje. Pogledajmo što je ispred nas, kao mogućnost... Ali djelujmo sada, mudriji za staro i svjesniji za novo... Doista, sada je jedino što imamo na ovoj razini – prošlost je nepromjenjiva, a budućnost ne postoji...	I perceived my journeys like that, too… until I met some ‘spiritual’ people who behaved as God's own cousin… It turned out that they were just people who did not know how to deal with their past. They have drawn out memories, but they have been embroiled into it, without really digesting and releasing them. Maybe that drawing out is necessary, but with awakening and cleansing, with the goal of learning what is required and discarding what is not. Without tiresome masticating and circling. However, in some moment, I forgot my intuition and natural knowledge, I have stopped believing myself, and started believing others, and I gave up my wisdom and went the long way. The Guide helped me to come back. Where is the mistake? Who is the guilty one? There is no mistake – everyone had some role in my life and in my evolution to the next level. I am grateful, no matter for the longer journey. Let’s leave our past behind – as precious experience, as a good memory. Let’s look what is in front of us, as possibility… But, now act knowing that you are wiser for all old experiences and aware for new… Indeed, now is the only thing we have, on this level – the past is fixed; the future is not existing…

A kad smo već kod krivnje... / ... when we speak about guilt...

Kao djevojčica, a kasnije i kao djevojka, i kao žena, susretala sam se s čestim pokušajima nabacivanja krivnje. Na žalost, mnoštvo takvih pokušaja, neminovno je ostavilo traga. Pitala sam se čime sam izazivala i pokušavala se prilagođavati prigovorima... Nakon nekog vremena shvatila sam da nešto nije u redu – što god pokušavala, rezultat bi uvijek bio isti: privlačenje muškaraca na način koji mi nije bio ni na kraj pameti. Naravno, zato što sam ja žena, a oni su muškarci! Radilo se o privlačenju suprotnih energija, koje teže spajanju. Ne bi to bio problem da su obje strane zainteresirane, da žele isto – fizičko sjedinjavanje. Problem nastaje kad meni nije ni na kraj pameti fizičko druženje, a uvjerava me se da jest ili, još gore, da sam sama to tražila. Čime? Oblačenjem, frizurom, šminkom, smijanjem... Neko vrijeme sam pokušavala smanjiti sve moguće izazove – oblačila sam se više kao muškarac, zakopčana do grla, odjeća što šira, kosa čupava, neugledna, lice bez šminke, bez osmijeha... Mislite da je pomoglo? Nije. Mislite da sam bila sretna što se ne smijem? Jer, čim se nasmijem, krene... Ne, ne zezam se... Onda sam odlučila biti sretna. I govoriti unaprijed što mi jest, a što nije namjera. Nije ni to pomoglo. Odnekud se javila spika 'misliš da, iako govoriš ne...' Onda sam rekla 'OK. Dosta!' I tražila da mi se odgovori što sam točno napravila i da li bi pomoglo da sam napravila nešto drugo... I počela sam dobivati odgovore... sad više nije bila kriva moja odjeća ili smijeh već 'energija', pa 'sloboda', pa... Da bismo na koncu došli do toga da, zapravo, nikad i nije bio problem u meni. Ili u mom oblačenju. Problem je bio u tuđoj pohoti. I traženju opravdanja za nju. A pohota se pretvarala u mržnju kad nije zadovoljena. A mržnja se očitovala u fizičkom nametanju (kad intelektualno nije bilo uspješno). A kad nije uspijevalo ni fizičko nametanje, onda se primjenjivalo načelo 'većine', odnosno brojčane nadmoći... Žalosno... Žalosno... Žalosno...	As a little girl, and later as an adolescent, and as a woman too, I have encountered many attempts when people tried to impose feeling of guilt, onto me. Unfortunately, many of those attempts left trace... I asked myself what I have done to cause it and tried to adjust myself… After a while I realized that something is wrong – whatever I tried, the result was always the same: attracting men in the way I did not want. Of course, it was because I am a woman, and they were men! It was simply attracting opposite energies, with merging tendencies. It will not be the problem if both sides were interested, if both sides wanted the same – physical union. The problem appears when I have no any physical intension, but the other side assures me that I have it, or, the worse, that I want it. With what? With my cloth, hair, make up, smile… For some time I tried to minimize all those ‘challenges’ – I dressed myself more like man, reserved, wide cloth; the hair was fluffy, seamy; without make up; no smile… Do you think it helped? No. Do you think I was happy not to smile? Because, when I smile, it goes… No, I am not joking… Then I decided to be happy. And speak in advance what is and what is not my attention. It was not of much help, too. Now the reaction was: You just speak ‘no’, but you think ‘yes’… Then I said ‘OK. Enough!’ And I insisted on answers what I have done, exactly, and is there something I could do instead… And answers started coming… problem was not in my cloth or my smile any more… it was my ‘energy’, ‘freedom’, and so on… Finally, we came to the point that never was me. Or my dress. The problem was in someone’s lust. And in finding an excuse for it. And lust transforms into hatred, when it is not satisfied. And the hatred manifested in physical imposition (if intellectual imposition is not successful). And when the physical imposition was not successful, too, then implements principle of ‘majority’, quantitative supremacy… It is so sad… It is so sad… It is so sad…
Angry Indian Goddesses
Sjeti se da si besmrtna i uzdigni se iz osjećaja krivnje. I ne dopusti da ti je itko nabaci. I ne nabacuj je niti ti drugima.	Remember that you are the immortal one and raise from the feeling of guilt. And do not allow yourself to be imposed by it. And do not do it to others, too.

Kratki spoj iliti Prebacivanje krivnje / Short circuit or Shifting the guilt

Postoje trenuci u životu kad nam se čini da smo izgubili tlo pod nogama. Tražeći smislove, razloge za rupu pod nama često tražimo izvana i nalazimo 'krivce'... OK, možda smo imali teško djetinjstvo, nisu nas baš mazili ni roditelji (ako smo ih imali), ni prijatelji, učitelji, susjedi... Jedno je biti svjestan tuđeg štetnog utjecaja i maknuti se od toga, čim je moguće, a drugo je kriviti druge/situacije za vlastite neuspjehe. Tražeći podršku, hvatamo se bilo za što/koga što nam izgleda prihvatljivo... (sjetilo me ovo na neke dijelove iz filma Carstvo sunca ) Podrške nam služe da nam daju dodatni poticaj, usmjeravanje u trenucima zbunjenosti, a ne kao netko/nešto na koga/što ćemo prebaciti odgovornost za svoj život, o kome ćemo postati ovisni. Za razlučivanje nam jako dobro dođe zdrav razum – naučimo slušati Vodstvo (unutarnje, ponekad i kroz vanjski utjecaj), a ne manipulirati Njime. Ako se ne uhvatimo u koštac sa svojim problemima, traumama, projekcijama, reakcijama na situacije (nastavi niz), i ne riješimo ih sa sobom, uvijek ćemo se vrtjeti u krugu i, konačno, tražiti krivnju u nečem/nekom izvan nas. Ukoliko smo pritom (emotivno) vezani za nekog/nešto određeno, doći će do kratkog spoja unutar nas i stvari ćemo presložiti u skladu sa tom slikom. To će za nas postati istina. Doduše, istina s puno rupa, ali... kao da je to važno. Važno je samo pobjeći od sebe... I bježat ćemo, bježati, praveći se da trčimo u potjeri za 'krivcem'. Tek kad se umorimo, kad zastanemo, možda ćemo si dopustiti da pogledamo oko sebe i pronađemo novo viđenje (ili novog 'krivca' ;)) Istinsko rješenje, ipak, bit će kad pogledamo unutar sebe... ... kad prihvatimo prošlost i odmaknemo se od nje, gledajući naprijed... ... kad oprostimo sebi, a potom i drugima i krenemo dalje, ostavljajući začarane krugove za sobom, u prošlosti, gdje im je i mjesto...

There are moments in life when it seems we lost the ground. Searching for meanings, reasons for that hole we feel, often we are looking outside to find the ‘perpetrators’… OK, maybe we had hard childhood, we have not been pampered by our parents (if we had them), nor by friends, teachers, neighbors… One thing is to be aware of someone’s harmful influence and to move away of it, as soon as possible. The other thing is to blame others / situations for your own failings. Searching for the support, we grasp at anything/anyone acceptable… (this reminded me on some parts of the movie Empire of the Sun ) Supports have to give us an extra impulse, to be guides in confused moments, not something/someone to whom we will transfer responsibilities for our own life or to get addicted to them. We need a common sense with which we will be able to differentiate – we have to learn how to listen to the Guide (the inner one, sometimes trough the outer way, also), but not to manipulate with It. If we do not cope with our own problems, traumas, projections, reactions on situations (continue the series), and if we do not resolve it with ourselves, we will always stay in the circle and, finally, search for the guilt in something / someone outside. If we are (emotively) attached to someone / something specifically, it will create a short circuit in us and we will see the world in such a way. That will become our truth. Although, that truth will have many holes, but… who cares. It only matters that we escape – from ourselves… And we will run, and run… pretending that we are running in a search for the ‘perpetrators’… Just when we will get tired, when we stop, maybe we will let ourselves to look around and find a new sight (or a new ‘perpetrator’ ;)) But, the real solution is only when we look inside ourselves… … when we accept the past and move away from it, looking forward… … when we forgive to ourselves, and then others also, and move on, leaving spellbound circles behind, in the past, when they belongs…