Gorčina / Bitterness

Daj se prestani ljutit na sebe, daj molim te… znaš što, kad god pričaš o tome, tolika količina gorčine izlazi iz tebe da je ono… možeš sa žlicom jesti i nožem rezati… tolika gorčina… al' ono, katastrofa! Al ja obožavam to razdoblje… Pa da, ali je u tebi tolika gorčina! Toliko sam dobila… Mislim, ono, znam sve si ti to lijepo… Pa gorčina izlazi zato što sam svjesna svojih grešaka! Pa da, mislim, ali ti to tako, ono… lijepo upakiraš, ali, kužiš… mislim, ono, da je to ono što ti pričaš… da je to onako kao što si ti sad rekla, da je to najbolje vrijeme tvog života… Ne znam, draga moja, ali stvarno, molim te, prestani s tom gorčinom, ali stvarno, ako možeš, nekako, na bilo koji način… Kaj da prestanem? Prestani mrziti to što se tamo dogodilo. Prestani biti ogorčena na sve živo što se tamo dogodilo. Ali, srećo, ja sam ogorčena na sve živo, ne vezano samo uz to tamo… Znam, na cijeli svijet si ogorčena, znam, mislim… Nevezano uz to… Čak i nevezano uz to, ali to tamo, je onako, specijalno…posebno… ha ha ha Ne, nego si ti za to posebno vezan, emotivno. A možda sam ja posebno vezan, ali , mislim, ono sve što sam ti rekao ti stoji, kako god hoćeš ti to izmuljati sebi ili okrenuti, na žalost i dalje… Al to ti je, kužiš… da ja tebi velim, daj ti prestani, ne znam, što smo ono počeli pričat… prestani bit zatvoren… Pa da, ali barem sam ti rekao, jel' to OK? Barem sam ti rekao. Pa, dobro, OK kaj si mi rekao. U čemu je problem? Ne moraš se braniti… Ja znam da sam ogorčena. Pa kaj ti misliš da ja sebi već 500x nisam rekla da hoću više da ta gorčina izađe? Ajde, fala bogu,ajde. Može. Ajde dalje. A? Možemo dalje… Ti si se sad zakačio za moju gorčinu, a nisi čuo ono bitno. Pa nisam mogao. Nisam mogao zato što ta gorčina je, kužiš, pokrila sve ostalo, kužiš, i izazvala određenu reakciju u mom srcu, odnosno u meni… A zašto? Zato što, ne znam, želudac mi se diže… a sad zašto se to diže, to je drugi par rukavica, al onda nećemo završit ovo što smo počeli… Zato što si emotivno vezan za nešto… Ma što god, nije bitno, u ovom trenutku. Dobro, što hoćeš da završimo? Ovo što smo rekli maloprije, ono pitanje prije toga… Hoću ti reći – prestani bježati od promjena sebe…

Please, stop to be angry with yourself… You know, every time you speak about it, so much bitterness is going out that is… you can eat it with the spoon and cut it with the knife… so much bitterness… I mean, catastrophe! But, I adore that time… Yes, but there is so much bitterness in you! I have got so much… I mean, come on, I know you have all this… Well, that bitterness is going out because I am aware of my mistakes! Yes, I think, but you do it so… you wrap it up very nice, but, you know… I mean, if that was what you talk about… if that was like you told now, that was the best time of your life… I don’t know, my dear… but really, please, stop with this bitterness, but really, if you can, somehow, in any way… What to stop? Stop to hate that what happened there. Stop to be bitter about everything what happened there. But, honey, I am bitter with everything, not only with that… I know, you are bitter with the whole world, I know, I think… Not only with this… Not only with this, but this there is, somehow, special… different… ha ha ha No, you are specially attached, emotionally. And maybe I am specially attached, but, I mean, what I said is correct. It doesn’t matter how you want to present it or turn it upside-down… But this is, you know… let mi tell you, stop, I don’t know, what we started… stop to be so introverted… Well, yes, but at least I told you. Is this OK? I told you, at least. Well, good, OK you told me. What is the problem? You do not need to defend youself… I know I am bitter. Do you think I didn’t say to myself 500 times I want that bitterness disappeared? Thank God… Deal. Let’s go. A? We can continue… You stacked with my bitterness, and didn’t hear the main thing. I couldn’t. I couldn’t because that bitterness covered everything else, you know, and caused some reaction in my heart, I mean in me… And why? Because, I don’t know, there is feeling of sickness in my stomach… why is so, that is another thing, but we will not finished what we started… Because you are emotionally attached… Whatever, it doesn’t matter in this moment. Good, what you want to finish? That what we said before, that question before… I wanted to tell you – stop running away from changing yourself…