Nisam ja! / I didn't!

Koje je olakšanje bilo kada sam shvatio da nisam ja, zapravo, taj koji ima te osjećaje, nego ona… Koje? Pa to. Strast i tako… Osjećaje da, ovaj… … ti hoćeš spavat… … s njom spavat? Da, da… Jer, kad sam se maknuo iz njene blizine, to je nestalo. Kad sam se vratio, to je nastalo… Rekoh, koji je ovo vrag? Mislim ona se… koji ti je ono… halo? Ajde još jednom, cijelu rečenicu… Znači, kad odeš od nje, prestane ti se željeti spavati s njom. Kad se vratiš, ponovi ti se to. Gledaš i vidiš da imaš određeni energetski disbalans… Hoćeš reći… da tvoja želja prema nekom ne ovisi o tome da li si nekom u blizini ili nisi? Kako si došla do tog zaključka, Bog te mazo? Ne, ne kužim… ono što si ti rekao je da si shvatio da želja... da li ti ili netko drugi hoće spavati… samo malo… ajdemo uzeti primjer… Ona i ti… Aha. Postojala je određena energija… Da. I nisi znao da li ti želiš spavati s njom ili ona želi spavat s tobom? Da, recimo. Shvatio si da ona želi spavati s tobom, a ne ti s njom tako što si primijetio da kad nisi u njenoj blizini, to ne želiš, a kad si u njenoj blizini to želiš. Da… (tišina)… ali mislim da nema veze… da ona nema veze… da ona to… sa mnom… da je tada to njena energija bila… Dobro, OK, shvatila… E,sad, moje pitanje… Hoćeš reći, kad to prebacimo na općenito, ako si ti s nekom osobom u blizini i osjetiš tu energiju, a ta energija… Aha, to može biti dvije… znači..to može značiti, da te prekinem sada… pošto znam gdje ideš… znači, to može značiti dva slučaja… bar mislim da znam gdje ideš… a, prvi slučaj je da samo taj tip osobe budi tu energiju u meni. OK? Znači, ta energija nije vezana sa mnom nego znači - kad dođem u blizinu te osobe, onda ta energija me zapravo povuče ili je to nešto što je u meni, nedorađeno, odnosno, ja reagiram samo na takve osobe. Znači, te osobe mi pokazuju da to što se događa… mi, zapravo, da… zapravo… još nisam, zapravo, sredio problem do kraja… ako se to može… ako se to zove problem… Ništa mi nije jasno. Da, ni meni, ali nema veze; sad je već ponoć. Neke rupe su mi prisutne… A nisu… čini ti se… stvarno? Da… ali puno smo danas već pričali tako da… Ovo je jedna, ovako, vrlo zanimljiva tema koju ćeš ti dosta lično shvatiti, tako da… mislim i je, lična je… Što znači lično ću shvatiti? Personalno. Molim? Personalno. Što to znači? Osobno? Da, al što to ZNAČI? Da ću lično shvatiti… Pa neću ti crtati! U odnosu prema tebi ili u odnosu općenito? A, u odnosu, naravno, prema meni… halo? Kao na primjer, da ću te sad pitati… Što? Ako ću lično shvatiti, što to znači, što to povlači za sobom? To povlači za sobom jedan razgovor drugi put… ne ovaj put… Ha ha Jer je VRLO sklizak teren. A ti si… Kaj? Jer je vrlo skliski teren i ti ćeš početi postavljati potpitanja na koja neću baš znati odgovor, tako da… Vrlo skliski teren? Mislim, stani, stani… stani malo! Gledaj, ti ćeš sada… sad ćeš na svoj mlin tjerati vodu… što god ja pokušam napraviti, ti ćeš sad pokušati natjerati… Na koji mlin … ha ha Pa ti imaš svoj određeni mlin na koji stalno tjeraš vodu... Tako da ne bih htio upropastiti ovaj razgovor bilo s čim drugim… E, jesi zločest! Baš nam je dobro krenulo… Da, i želim da tako i ostane… jer… fala bogu da je tako, jer imam osjećaj da me baš, ono, razumiješ… baš guba… već sam odustao da je uopće moguće da me ti razumiješ… Ja sam mislila da si… Ajde, ajde, reci do kraja… Neću! Ha ha ha… Prase jedno bezobrazno! Ko? Pa ja i ti. Kaj, oboje smo prasci? Ma jesmo… stvarno se razumijemo, mislim… jooj, dobro…

What a relief was when I realized that it wasn’t me, but she, who had those feelings… What feelings? Those. Passion and so… Feelings that, I mean… … you want to make love… … to make love with her? Yes, yes… Because, when I have moved away from her, that feeling disappeared. When I came back, it appeared again… I told to myself, what the hell is that? I mean, she was… what is this… hello? Once more please, whole sentence… So, when you go away from her, you stop wanting to be with her. When you come back, the desire is also back. You are looking and realizing that you have specific energetic disbalance… You want to tell me… that your desire towards somebody depends if you are near somebody or not? What this conclusion came from, for God’s sake? No, I don’t understand… you have just said that you have understood appearance of a desire… if you or someone else wants to have… just a minute… let’s take an example… She and you… Yes. There was specific energy… Yes. And you didn’t know if you want to sleep with her or she wants to sleep with you? Yes, suppose. You realized that she wants to sleep with you (and you didn’t want sleep with her) when you noticed that, if you are not near her, you don’t want this. And when you are near her you want her. Yes… (silence)… but, I think that is not connected with… that she is not connected… that she… with me… that than her energy was… Good, OK, I understood… But, now, my question is… You mean, when we put this in generally, if you are near somebody and you are feeling that energy, and that energy… Aha, there can be two of… it means… it could mean, let me stop you now… because I know where you are going… so, it could mean two cases… well, I think I know where you are going… and, first case is that only that type of person awakes that energy in me. OK? So, that energy is not connected with me, but it means – when I come near that person, that energy pulls me or that is something in me, unfinished, or rather, I am reacting on such kind of persons. So, those persons are showing me what is hidden… in me, in fact, that… in fact… still I am not, in fact, settled the problem… if that can… if that we can call the problem… I do not understand a thing! Yes, neither to me, but it doesn’t matter; it’s midnight already. There are some gaps in your… Nooo… it seems so… really? Yes… but we have talked so much today already, so… This is one, so to say, very interesting subject which is too emotional for you, so… well, I think, it is emotional… What does it mean ‘which is too emotional for you’? Personal. What? Personal. What does it mean? Individual? Yes, but what does it MEAN? That is too emotional for me… Well, I will not draw it to you! In connection with you or in generally? Well, of course, in connection with me… hello? If, for example, I will ask… What? If I will understand it subjective, what does it mean; what does it pull with? That pulls with one talk some other time… not this time… Ha ha For it is VERY slippery subject. And you are… What? For it is very slippery subject and you will start asking questions which I will not know what to answer, so… Very slippery subject? I mean, stop, stop… stop for a moment! Look, now you will… now you will start pouring water on your mill… anything I try to do, you will start pouring… What mill… ha ha Well you have specific mill you always pouring the water on… So I wouldn’t like to ruin this conversation with something… Eh, you are naughty! We were going so good… Yes, and I want it remains like this… for… thank God it is like that, for I have feeing you understand me, I mean… so cool… I gave up already it will be possible that you understand me… I thought that you are… Come on, come on, tell me… No! Ha ha ha… You piggy! Who? Well, both of us. What? Both of us are pigs? Well, we are… really we understand each other… ooooh, good…