O vegetarijanstvu i zlostavljanju / about vegetarian diet and mobbing

Jednog mirnog podneva, za vrijeme stanke za ručak... Sjedimo nas 15-ak, za velikim stolom i objedujemo, svatko sa svojim mislima, bez puno priče. Samo sam ja vegetarijanac, ali nitko se tome (više) ne čudi. Niti komentira. Osim relativno novog voditelja jednog odjela. Ne bi ni on, možda komentirao, da mu ja ne smetam... nije mu prvi put... da me komentira... No, ovaj put, nije mi dao mira dok jedem. Bio je toliko naporan da su se ostali počeli meškoljiti od nelagode. Pomislih: 'Oprostite, gospodine, vrijeđam li ja Vas zato što ste seronja, ljigavac i neodgojeni muški šovinist? Ne? Onda, molim Vas, i Vi meni dopustite da budem ono što jesam - vegetarijanac. Hvala.' No, samo ustadoh i udaljih se. Nikad više nisam sjela za taj stol za vrijeme jela. Nekoliko mjeseci kasnije udaljih se i s toga posla, nakon 10 godina rada i nakon 2 godine maltretiranja. Danas znam da je to doista bio dio zlostavljanja. Ah, da, a on je napredovao do pozicije direktora poduzeća J Zapravo, ne znam postoji li u ovom društvu netko tko ne sudjeluje u zlostavljanju, bilo kao žrtva, bilo kao zlostavljač ili kao nijemi promatrač koji dopušta da se sve odvija, obično zbog straha za svoju guzu. (svaka sličnost sa stvarnim osobama je namjerno slučajna, a možda se netko i slučajno prepozna)

Once upon a peacfull noon, during the lunch break… Fifteen of us were sitting around big table having lunch, silently, each of us in his or her’s thoughts. Only I was a vegetarian, but nowadays it is not strange (any more). Nor is anybody commenting. Except a relatively new head of one of the production units. Maybe he would not comment, but I am like a thorn in his eye, obviously… and it is not the first time… to pass a comment… But, this time, he did not give me a while I was eating. He was so mean that everyone started to feel uncomfortable. I thought: 'I am sorry, Mister, do I insult You, because You are asshole, weasel and rude male chauvinist? No? Than, please, let me be what I am – a vegetarian. Thank You.' But I only got up and went away. Never again I sit there during the eating. Few months later I left that job also, after 10 years of working there and after 2 years of being harassed. Today I know that was realy a part of the mobbing. And, yes, he was progressing to the head manager J Actually, I am not sure is there anyone in this society who is not engaged in abusing – as a victim or as a doer of some way of abusing, or as a silent witness who tolerate those things, usually due to the fear for his own existence. (every analogy with the real person is purposely incidental, and maybe someone will incdinetally recognize himself)

Kako se riješiti napasnika? / How to manage with obsessed person?

Što učiniti s nekim tko je napastan, bez obzira na sve tvoje pokušaje, na finjaka i na grubljaka??? Evo par savjeta... Problemi: 1.  Napasnik/ca ignorira sve što pišeš/pričaš i nastavlja po svom. 2.  Ti šumom, napasnik/ca drumom. Ne može te razumijeti. Moguća rješenja: 1.  Pozovi napasnika/cu na šetnju na skrovito mjesto, ubij ga/ju i zakopaj tamo (šala!!!) 2.  Isto kao pod 1, ali ga/je moraš prije toga mučiti (šala2!!!!) 3.  Nemoj ništa objašnjavati, samo pusti... 4.  Objašnjavaj, ali nemoj ulaziti u emocije. 5.  Napiši nešto, kratko na način na koji bi to napasnik/ca rekao/rekla... U svakom slučaju pusti raspravljanje. Napasnik/ca te ne može i ne želi shvatiti. Dobro mu/joj je s tobom i želi se družiti, te ne može/ne želi prihvatiti da ti to ne želiš. Drži ga/je na pristojnoj udaljenosti i budi oprezan/oprezna. I ovo funkcionira! Osobito ovo s ignoriranjem. Provjereno... To su izmislile državne službe...

What to do with someone who is obsessed by you, no matter what you try, polite or not??? Here are some hints… Problems: 1.  The obsessed one ignores everything you write/say and do what he/she wants. 2.  You are talking about one thing, he/she of other. He/she cannot understand you. Possible solutions: 1.  Ask obsessed one for the walk, kill him/her and burry the body with earth (joking!!!) 2.  The same like 1st, but you have to torturing him/her before killing (joke2!!!!) 3.  Do not explain anything; just let it go… 4.  Explain, but without emotions. 5.  Write down something, short, in the way of the obsessed one…. Anyway, do not debate. The obsessed one cannot and do not want to understand you. He/she likes to be with you and wants to hang with you. He/she cannot and do not want to accept that you do not want the same. Keep him/her on the distance and be carefull. And that is functioning! Especially that one with ignoring. Tested… Civile Services invented it!

Dogovor? / Agreement?

Hellou J Želiš možda da ti donesem nekaj za jesti? Ne, hvala. Najela sam se J Ne moraš dolaziti – vidimo se u gradu. Došla bi i Petra pa je dočekaj. Maa, ja bih radije išla u šetnju. Ali ako je potrebno dočekati Petru... OK. Reći ću Dadi onda. Hvala. Ja bih radije da prošećemo malo... Kad i gdje se vidimo? Ovisi kad dođeš blizu. Kad krećeš? Javi se kad budeš blizu, dobro? (5min kasnije) Hej. Hoćeš ovo kaj sam ti ponijela za klopu ostaviti doma ili da ti donesem u šetnju? Molim te, ostavi to kod sebe doma jer nisam gladna i jer se tako nismo dogovorili. Zašto se ljutiš? Samo ti nudim nešto što smatram da je dobro... Dakle, ako tebi nije jasno što radiš, onda malo meditiraj. Stalno se želiš nešto dogovarati, a uporno radiš po svom, pod maskom da 'činiš dobro'. Od kuda ti pravo da mi činiš nešto što sam jasno i glasno rekla da ne želim?    Sorry, sorry... Ne želim te gnjaviti. Ako ne želiš jesti, nema razloga da jedeš. (5min kasnije) A da ipak donesem? :D

Hello J If you want, I can bring you something for eating? No, thank You. I have already eaten J You need not to come – see you in the town. Petra would like to come, too, so you can meet her. Well, I would like to come for walk, rather. But, if is necesary to meet Petra... OK. I will tell Dado then. Thank you. I would like to go for a walk with you... When and where we will meet? It depends when you will be nearby. When are you starting? Let me know when you are close to me, OK? (5min later) Hi. Would you like that food which I brought for you to leave in your house or to bring it to the walk? Please, leave it at your house. I am not hungry and we did not agree on it. Why are you so angry? I only offer you something what I consider good... So, if you are not aware what are you doing, than meditate a little. You allways talk about agreements, but constantly doing what you want, pretending that you 'do good'. Who gave you the right to do something that I said, loudly and clearly, I do not want? Sorry, sorry... I do not want to bother you. If you do not want to eat, there is no reason to do it. (5min later) Can I bring it anyway? :D

Suosjećanje ili sažaljenje? / To sympathize or to pity?

Suosjećanje je opasna stvar – njime se najlakše manipulira. I lako se maskira u njemu sažaljenje. Ali, koja je razlika? Suosjećati – osjećati s nekim koga smatraš jednako vrijednim – od radosti do tuge, od zdravlja do bolesti... Pomagati jer možeš osjećati kako je nekome kome je pomoć potrebna... Suosjećam s tobom jer sam bila u sličnoj situaciji, ili jer vidim tugu u tvojim očima i želim je odagnati. Znam da ti je teško jer nemaš ... ali bez obzira na to, možeš napraviti to i to... Podržavamo PREVLADAVANJE ograničenja koja to i ne moraju biti, ako se usmjerimo na ono što možemo. Sažalijevati – žaliti nekoga koga smatraš lošijim od sebe... i pomažeš da pokažeš da si ti dobar ili bolji... Žalim te, jer si jadan, bolestan, tužan, a mogu te žaliti jer sam ja bolji... Oh, jadna ti – nemaš ???, evo učinit ću nešto što ti nisi u stanju jer si ograničena... Činimo UMJESTO nekoga nešto i zadržavamo ograničenja. Kažu, sretneš li nekoga tko je gladan, ako mu doista želiš pomoći, naučit ćeš ga da si nađe/stvori hranu, nećeš ga samo nahraniti. Ne bi li bilo bolje poticati samostalnost, samopouzdanje, samosvjesnost... umjesto stvarati ovisnost? (Naravno, ovisi koji nam je STVARNI CILJ)

Sympathizing is dangeorus– this feeling is easiest to manipulate. And it is easy to camouflage it with pity. But, what is the difference? To sympathize – to share in a feelong – joy and sorrow, health, illness... and you consider equal. You are helping because you feel how that person feels... I sympathize with you because I was in the similar situation, or I can see the sorrow in your eyes and I want to remove it. I know it is hard for you because you do not have… but, no matter of that, you can do something else... We support OVERCOMING of limitations (maybe they are not limitations at all), if we direct our energy in a better way. Pity – you shou pity to someone whom you consider inferior than yourself... and you help just to show that you are good or even better... I pity you – you are lousy, sick, unhappy, and I can have pity on you because I am better than you... Oh, lousy you – you do not have… Here, I will do that what you cannot because you are limited... We do something INSTEAD of someone keeping the limitatons. It is said, if you meet a hungry person, and if you really want to help him, it is better to teach him how to find/make the food, than give him just the food. It would be better to stimulate independence, self confidence, self counsiusness… instead of making dependence, wouldn’t it? (Of corse, dependce on our REAL GOAL)

Apsurdistan ili Raj? / Land of Absurdity or Paradise?

Postoji jedan vic... Kada je Bog stvorio Zemlju, podijelio ju je raznim narodima... svatko je dobio ponešto, samo su Hrvati ostali 'kratkih rukava'. I došli su pred Boga s pitanjem: 'A gdje ćeš smjestiti nas?' Bog se počešao po glavi i rekao: 'Hmmm, ovaj sam komadić Zemlje ostavio za sebe, ali, evo, dajem ga vama...' I tako, nastade Hrvatska... Raj na zemlji... za turiste... Naravno, fizička stvarnost za stanovnike Hrvatske nije baš tako divna... imamo mi svojih, hmmm, izazova... pa je tako, nastao sinonim za ovu predivnu zemlju – Apsurdistan . Ovdje ne znaš da li bi sjeo i plakao nad ljudima/životinjama/ovcama, institucijama – od komunalnih i obrazovnih do pravnih i medicinskih, zakonima i propisima, političarima... (čast izuzecima)... Ili bi nešto pokušao promijeniti... Na kraju, obično, odustaneš i odeš živjeti negdje drugdje, što dalje... Ali se svako ljeto vraćaš uživati u ono gore spomenutom Raju... i, što je najbolje, imaš pravo glasa (ako se ne odrekneš državljanstva) i možeš sudjelovati u krojenju gaća onima koji su ostali - još jedan dokaz da je Hrvatska i Raj i Apsurdistan u jednom! Ima li toga igdje još?? A, ponekad, u dugim zimskim noćima, pitam se nije li ideja za crtić o Malcima došla iz Hrvatske, pardon, Apsurdistana?

There is a joke... When the God has created the Earth, He distributed it between the nations... Every nation got some part, but the Croatians nothing. And they came to God with a simple question: 'Where can WE live?' God answered: 'Ahh, you can take this piece of the Earth that I have left for Myself!' And it became Croatia... The Paradise on the Earth ... for the tourists... Of course, reality for inhabitants of Croatia is not so charming... We have our, hmmm, challenges... so, someone made synonym for our beautiffull country – Land of Absurdity, Apsurdistan. Here, you do not know... is it better to sit and cry over people/animals/sheeps, over the institutions – municipal one, educational one, juristic one, medical one, over laws and cannons, politicinas... (honor to the exeptions)... or to try to change something... At the end, you give up and go to live somwhere else... far far away... But, of course, every summer you are coming back... to enjoy that Paradise... and, what the best is – you have right to vote (if you are still Croatian) and your vote will be included in that Absurdity land! One more evidence that Croatia is Paradise and Absurdity land in One! Is there something like that anywhere else? And sometimes, in the long winter nights, I ask myself – The Minions story must be originated from Croatia, sory, Land of Absurdity, didn't it?

Uklanjanje uzroka ili posljedica? (iliti - sposobnost razlučivanja) / Removal of the causes or of the consequences? (or - reasoning)

Pretpostavimo da smo otišli na plac i kupili kilu breskvi, jeftinijih, jer ne želimo/ne možemo platiti više, a i opravdavamo se sposobnošću razlučivanja – nisam lud platiti više, kad mogu manje... No, ispostavi se da su breskve trule. Sad stupa na snagu opet 'razlučivanje' – pa sigurno se može nešto od toga iskoristiti... i jedemo trule breskve. I tako radimo svaki dan. S vremenom izgubimo sposobnost razlikovanja dobrih od loših breskvi, no naše tijelo ipak prepoznaje razliku. Nakon određenog vremena tijelo počinje reagirati – napuhnuti smo, mučno nam je... Pokaže se da smo postali alergični na breskve. Ne sjećamo se što bi mogao biti uzrok, jer, eto, cijeli ih život jedemo i sad 'odjednom' smo alergični...    Ali nismo mi veslo sisali, pa ćemo tome doskočiti. Prestat ćemo ih jesti! I prebacujemo se na jabuke. I ovaj put odlazimo na plac... i biramo... i opet ćemo uzeti najjeftinije. Bože moj, pa nismo ludi plaćati 10kn, kad možemo platiti 5... Uzmemo ih 3kg, jer dobivamo dodatni popust na količinu... Naravno, opet ima trulih, a i više ih je nego možemo pojesti odjednom... Ali, šteta je baciti... Nastavak znate... Odjednom smo alergični i na jabuke.    Baš je čudan taj današnji svijet. Sve je više alergija... a nema logičnog uzroka. Pomno smo birali i sigurno nismo pogriješili! Albert Einstein je primijetio: „Ludilo je činiti uvijek iznova iste stvari i očekivati različite rezultate.“ A nije mu loša ni ova: "Samo su dvije stvari beskonačne - svemir i ljudska glupost, ali za ovo prvo nisam siguran."

Let’s suppose we went to the market and bhougt 1 kilo of peaches. The cheaper one – we do not want (or we cannot) pay higher price… and also, our common sense tells us – we are not crazy to pay more, if we can pay less… But, it seems those peaches were spoiled. Well, we are still ‘clever’ – there must be some good peaches in that 1 kilo… so we consume spoiled peaches. We do that every day. Time is passing… and we loose the perception between good and bad peaches. But, our body recognizes the difference. After some time the body reacts – we start swelling, become sick… We became allergic on peaches. We cannot remember what cause might be… Well, we consumed those peaches whole life and now ‘suddnelly’ we have allergy… But we are not stupid. We will stop eat them! And we eat now aples. This time we went on the market, too… we were choosing… and again, we will pick up the cheapest. OMG, we are not so stupid to pay 10 bucks, if we can pay 5… We take 3 kilos – it is cheapest… Of corse, there are some spoiled apples, too. And there are so much of them. We cannot eat so much… But, it is pity to trow them away… What is the next, you know… ‘Suddenly’ we are allergic on apples, too. Nowadays is so strange the world. There are so many allergies… and there is no logical cause. Because, we definitely chose correctly, so it cannot be our fault!. Albert Einstein said: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” This one is also good: “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.”

Crtica iz života – o (spo)razumijevanju / Dash of life – about understanding

Hej, bok! Bok. Kako si? Dobro. A ti? Dobro. Ima li zime kod tebe? Kažu da je na Sljemenu snijeg. Nema. A kod tebe? Nema... Znači, ne ideš nikud. Otkud taj zaključak? Nije zaključak. To je pitanje. Av... Av... Što je sad to? Odgovor.

Hi. Hello! Hello. How are you? Good. And you? Good. Is it cold? They said it's snowing on the hill. No. it is not cold. And there? No… So, you are not going anywhere. How did you come to that conclusion? It's not a conclusion. That's a question. Av… av… What's that now? Answer.

Šutnja je zlato? / Silence is golden?

Kad ne znamo kako ne povrijediti druge našim riječima, onda zašutimo. Problem je što kad-tad te neizrečene riječi/stvari dođu na vidjelo… Možda je onda bolje poštovati druge pravovremenim izricanjem? Možda… Možda netko nikako ne može podnijeti izricanje… Rekao si mi, jednom, da je najbolje izravno ići… izravno… sa zdravim razumom… Ali, ako ne idemo izravno, treba li zašutjeti? Jer, možda me se i ne tiče? Osim ako nije ugrožen nečiji život. Sve ostalo je ogovaranje…

When we do not know how not to harm others with our words, then we should keep quiet. Problem is that eventually this unsaid words/things will come out...Isn't it better then to show our respect to others by saying things on time? Maybe... but some people cannot ever endure these words... Once you have told me:"The best is to be direct!" With an open mind... But if we are not talking direct, should we keep mum? Maybe, because it does not concern me? Except if somebody's life does not depend on it. Everything else is just gossiping.

Rješavanje zadatka / Solving the problem

Pitao si me kako se to rješava? Moraš imati sustav, moraš gledati i jednu jedinicu, ali i cjelinu, odnosno međudonos među jedinicama i moraš se povremeno odvojiti od sustava i primijeniti nešto drugo, promijeniti stajalište… Vrlo jednostavno, zar ne? :)

You have asked me how to solve this problem? You need a system. You have to watch one unit as well as the entire problem, respectively relation between units and you have to disengage yourself, sometimes, from the system and to apply something else, to change your view… It is so simple, isn’t it? :)

Poštivanje granica ili prihvaćanje osobe? / Respecting the borders or accepting the person?

Znaš, sjetih se neki dan razgovora s prijateljem – nikako nismo mogli uspostaviti normalnu komunikaciju i tek sam danas shvatila da smo pričali o različitim stvarima... Kad poistovjetimo 'poštovanje granica' s 'prihvaćanjem osobe'... On je silno želio da ga prihvatim, sa svim njegovim dijelovima, a nije shvatio da su meni povrijeđene granice i da sam u fazi postavljanja novih. Opet taj 'ego trip' gdje mislimo da se sve vrti oko nas... Osjetih i problem „napadanja“ – opet se radi o prihvaćanju... Ako si npr uvjeren da je šutnja zlato, ne voliš kad netko puno priča ili ako se netko zna postaviti (izreći svoje mišljenje, stav), osjećaš se nadjačan iako nije cilj uvjeriti druge u nešto, već samo izreći. Opet je sve to stvar ogromnog ega i projekcija…    I zašto neke možemo poslušati, a neke ne… iako pričaju o istim stvarima. Zašto nam netko leži, a netko ne… Ne, nije uvijek stvar u načinu - ponekad je stvar u sličnostima, osjećaju bliskosti ili, opet o projekciji, prema usađenom autoritetu... I zašto netko izbjegava nekoga, netko pokušava prilagoditi druge sebi, a rijetkost je da se pokušavamo prilagoditi osobi, do koje nam je stalo… Doista, prihvaćanje drugih jest gubitak projekcija, objektivnost, što ne znači da ne treba zadržati određene granice.

You know, few days ago I had remembered a conversation with a friend – we could not talk normally and just today I realize that we spoke about different things… When we identify ‘respecting the borders’ with ‘accepting the person’… He wanted so much from me to accept him, as a whole, but could not understand that my borders were broken and that I am in setting up new ones. Again that ‘ego trip’ when we think that whole world is revolving around us. I felt also the problem of ‘atacking’ – again here we are working with accepting… If you are, for example, assured that ‘silence is gold’, you do not like if someone speaks a lot, or if someone can force himself (to tell his opinion, state); you feel that you are victimized, although the aim is not to convince others, but only to tell them your side of the story. That is, again, the matter of the huge ego and projections… And why we can listen to some people, and others not… although they speak about the same things? Why we like someone and others not… No, it is not always the point in the way of speaking – sometimes is the point in likeness, feeling of closeness or it is projection, again, towards some authority pattern… And why someone avoids somebody else; why someone tries to adjust others to him/her, and it is so rare that we adjust ourselves to the person we like… Really, the acceptance of others is loss of projections; it is objectivity… and it does not mean we do not have keep particular borders.

Granice / Borders

Svatko od nas postavlja određene granice prema vanjskom svijetu i to je prirodno. Te granice postavljamo na osnovu prošlih iskustava, odgoja i tko zna čega sve ne iz prošlosti. Svatko od nas ima pravo na svoje granice, kakve god da one bile. Stvar je kućnog odgoja koliko će drugi poštovati naše granice. I to pokazuje koliko nas drugi poštuju, razumijevajući da i sami imaju svoje granice, bez obzira koliko različite ili čudne one bile u odnosu na one drugih bića. Ovdje čak možemo uvesti u priču i potrebu da se poštuju tuđa (i svoja) ograničenja. Ponekad ne postavimo dovoljno jasne granice, što nas može izbaciti iz ravnoteže, ali ništa se loše neće dogoditi ukoliko i ta (ne uvijek ugodna) iskustva doživimo kao dragocjenu školu. A jedna od najvažnijih stvari jest upravo prepoznavanje potrebe da se granice postave i da one budu istinski zdrave. Osvještavanje i pomicanje/širenje svojih unutarnjih granica nije nužno uvjetovano pomicanjem vanjskih granica...

Every one of us puts up certain borders towards the outer world, and that is natural. These borders we put up are based on former expiriencies, education and many another things in our past. Every one of us has right on our own borders, whatever they are. It is the matter of educationat home, if others will respect them. And that in turn shows us if they also respect us, by understanding that they also have themselves borders, no matter how much they are different or strange regarding to the all others. Here we can also mention the necessity of respecting others (and ours) limits. Sometimes our borders are not clearly set up, which can take us out of the balance. But, nothing bad will happned if we can see those (not allways pleasant) expirineces as prescious school. And one of the most important things is to recognize the need of the borders, the healthy ones. Awakening and moving/widening our inner borders is not necessarily conditioned with moving outer borders…